Tough Love

Chapter Thirty-Three

Chapter Thirty-Three

I'm laying on my bed, trying to figure out this whole day. In fact, it's only 9:30 in the morning, so I'm trying to figure out this morning. It feels like a whole week has passed since I woke up. I can't even believe this day is real. Eli found them. If that wasn't enough of a shock, I actually saw their grave. He really took me there. I'm glad about that. No matter how hard it was, it was good to go. I'm thankful about that part.

The part in the car? Now that, I'm not so glad about. I told him too much. I gave him too much information. I should learn to keep my mouth shut. I never used to be so chatty. Now, I'm not going to lie, it was nice to finally get some of that off my chest. It doesn't feel like such a heavy weight is sitting on me every time I look at Eli. That may sound strange, but every time I look at him, I feel like I'm not good enough to be near him. I don't deserve him, and he is right, deep down I do know he's not going to intentionally hurt me. I do know he's a good man, and that's what I don't deserve. I've done so many awful and dirty things, I don't deserve to have him in my life. While talking to him hasn't lessened that feeling, it has made me feel like I'm not lying so much to him. I feel awful for lying to him about things, but he can't handle the truth and I can't handle him knowing.

As I lay on my bed, trying to rest, I hear Eli shuffling round the apartment. It's sort of comforting, knowing he's here. I know he has multiple guns and he's been in the army, so if anyone does try to hurt me, he will protect me. I just don't want him to get hurt in the process. He shouldn't have to suffer for my past. I hear him talking to someone, I presume it's Ash, because I hear Eli laugh. Ash always knows how to make Eli laugh. Ash knows how to make anyone laugh, except Paul. But I don't think Paul even knows how to laugh. He's always so intense, like he's trying to figure everyone out all the time.

I stay in my room until noon, and the smell of food lures me out to the kitchen. Eli is standing by the stove, with his back to me, and I can hear him humming to a song on the stereo. I don't know how, but Eli must have heard me because without even turning to see me, he says, “Hey. Did you get any sleep?”

“No sir.”

“Was I too loud?”

“No sir. I just couldn't sleep.”

I didn't want to tell him that my mind was going 100 miles an hour or that I was scared to try to sleep without him in the room. That was something I didn't even want to admit to myself, let alone him.

“I'm making grilled chicken and salad. Do you want some?”

“Yes please. Do you need a hand?”

“No ma'am. You just relax right there. Would you like coffee?”

“Tea please? Cinnamon.”

“Coming right up.”

I almost chuckle at him. He's got the towel draped over his arm like a waiter and he's walking around like he has a board down his back. He shoots me a boyish grin and says, “There's that smile. I like that look on you.”

“Did you speak to Ash?”

“Yep. He's going tomorrow. My ma doesn't really give us a choice in the matter, although he's never going to turn down free food.”

“I don't think anyone would turn down you're momma's food, to be honest.”

“Fair point.”

We eat in silence for a little while and my thoughts are a million miles away. Eli softly taps his finger on the breakfast bar to grab my attention and when I look at him, he asks, “You ok? You're quiet. Well, more quiet than usual.”