Tough Love

Chapter Eighty-One

Chapter Eighty-One

Dani

I'm burning up but shivering at the same time. I'm in constant pain, the kind that goes through your skin and into your bones. There's no release; the pain is relentless and it makes me act out in ways I would never dream of. The pain and the craving for drugs makes me say things I don't mean. I hurt people with my sharp tongue. I'm no better than the people who held me. They hurt me with their horrible words and horrible actions. I'm doing exactly the same thing. I'm trying to rest to try to pass the time, but it's not working. I'm tired and my body is begging for the tenseness to leave, but there's no way it'll happen any time soon. I just need to get through the worst bit and then I'll be ok.

But I need those drugs. I need the sweet release they give me. They shut my mind up and they help my body to relax. Why won't they just give me something?! I just need a little help! They're all scum! Every single one of them! Don't they know what I'm going through?! Of course they do, they just don't care. No one cares about me. I'm just scum. I'm a Bratva Whore. No one cares about us. We're trash. We can just be thrown in the dumpster and replaced. No one cares if we're still dead or alive.

Alive, that's such a loose term. Is this what living is like? Because it's not really much to boast about, is it? Death would be better. My parents, I'll be with my parents. Oh I miss them so much. I chose to come back to this?! What's wrong with me?! But Eli, he's a good man. I don't deserve to have him in my life. He's everything that's good in this world and I'm the exact opposite of that. I'm filthy scum. I'm a drug addicted prostitute, there's no hope for me now. I'm lost.

I'm back in that room and the smell of sweat is lingering in the air. There's someone hovering over me and my vision clears long enough to make out a tanned face. He doesn't look Russian, but I know this place isn't solely for Russian men. I can smell and feel his sweat on me as he finishes what he started. He grunts and collapses on me, causing the breath to leave my lungs in a whoosh. I feel disgusting and dirty. I didn't fight. I didn't tell him no. This is just my life and I have no say in the matter. I should put up enough of a fight so they'll kill me, but I can't quite make myself do that. I don't know if that's out of fear of them or fear of what the after life will be like for someone like me. Whatever it is, it stops me from pushing the buttons of my captors.

A hand trails down my face and the deep voice murmurs, “You're so beautiful. Give me a few minutes to catch my breath and we'll go for another round. I might even have 2 rounds left in me... You're just too beautiful to waste...”

My skin crawls with the feel of his breath on my face and his body next to mine. I want to escape; I want to die. I'd even settle for more drugs to stop me from feeling or hearing any of this right now. I just want it to be over....

I don't know if I was asleep or just lost in a memory, but when I'm startled into awareness, my vision clears slightly and I find Eli sitting on the chair watching me. He quietly speaks, “Are you my Dani?”

My voice is hoarse, “Yes sir.”

“Good. You want some water?”

I nod, but regret the movement when my head hurts. I'm soaked with sweat and cold because of it. Eli grabs the cup of water and holds it for me as I drink from the straw. There's no way I can hold a cup right now. The shaking is just too bad. He grabs another blanket and throws that over me before asking, “You want me to lay with you for a little while?”

“I don't know how long this will last...”

“I'm willing to take a beating from you if it gives you even one moment of peace. You need to try to get some rest, baby...”