Tough Love

Chapter Sixty

Chapter Sixty

Eli

It's gone midnight when I get back to Dani's house. She answers the door in sweats and my Special Forces t shirt. Her hair is tied back, but there's strands that have come loose and they frame her face making her look relaxed but beautiful. I have to get a check on my feelings, or she'll know something is different. I can't risk scaring her, but after admitting to Ash that I love her, it seems like I'm struggling to keep this under wraps. Even my family were looking at me like I'd sprouted another head tonight. I can't afford for Dani to think something is different.

“Hey, did I wake you?”

She groggily mutters, “No sir.”

“Nightmare?”

She nods and I can see unshed tears in her eyes.

“Do you want to talk about it? It might help?”

“Do you want tea, Eli?”

That seems like her go to response whenever she's had a nightmare. Like it represents some kind of comfort to her.

“Yes ma'am. Do we have any cinnamon left?”

“Yes sir.”

I let her make the tea as I shrug out of my jacket and sit at the breakfast bar. I'm still in my uniform and then I realize I don't have a clean t shirt for the morning.

“Do you have any washing to go on? I've got no shirts for the morning...”

“I did the laundry earlier. It's in the airing cupboard folded up.”

I let out a sigh of relief. I didn't really want to wait up for the laundry to finish. “Thank you, sweetheart.”

“You're welcome.”

She places my mug on the table in front of me and then she stands on the opposite side of the breakfast bar, like she's wary of me.

“What's wrong, Dani?”

She shrugs and whispers, “Too much going on in my head; too many memories.”

“Is it because of the calls?” We've had more calls since the tapes were analyzed, but there's nothing Tom can pick out on them.

“Not only the tapes. I can't forget the images, Eli. Some of the things that happened are just too much to bear. It's like a weight is sitting on my chest and shoulders all of the time. I don't know how much longer I can carry it all.”

“That's what I'm here for, baby. To help you with that. All you have to do is talk about it. You don't have to reveal everything, just start from this nightmare and we'll go from there.”

She takes a deep, but shaky breath and I see a tear roll down her cheek. Her voice is so small as she whispers, “I don't want you to think I'm a horrible person... I didn't want to do any of it, but I didn't stop them. I didn't fight back; I didn't even protest. How much better than them am I if I didn't even protest? I'm just as bad as they are. I should have tried something. I should have at least let them know I didn't want any of it...”

She's distraught at this thought. She's crying and shaking, but I don't feel like she'll accept any form of comfort right now. So, I just sit still and say, “Dani, they knew you didn't want any of it. Why do you think they kept you drugged? So you couldn't protest. They wanted to keep you quiet, so they pumped you full of drugs. Having you fight back would have been bad for business and they would have killed you. As sad as it is to say, you were worth more to them alive, so they had to keep you subdued. And I could never think you're a horrible person. I know it wasn't your fault. I don't know how else I can make you believe that. I know it's not easy for you to believe my words or trust what I'm saying, but that is the truth. I don't think any differently about you since you told me your previous nightmare and I won't think any differently now. I'm not trying to force you to talk to me, I don't want you to think that. However, I think you need to release some of this burden and the only way you can do that is by sharing what's on your mind. I may not be able to do anything to fix it or make it better, but I can help you carry the burden. You can help me to understand why you feel the way you do...”