Tough Love

Chapter Sixty-Seven

Chapter Sixty-Seven

Dani

As I am sleeping, I am vaguely aware of how comfortable this bed is and how little my sleep is disturbed. I dream, but not the nightmares I usually have. I feel a slight weight on my fingers as I sleep, but there's nothing or no one there. I'm not scared though, which is unusual. I hear Eli's voice whisper, “I'm so sorry you had to go through this... I am so scared right now. I'm frightened I'm going to lose you. I need you to fight, Dani. I need you to be strong.......... I need you to have a chance at a good life. I can't imagine life without you.”

How is that possible? Eli isn't even here. Then his words sink in. He misses me? He can't imagine life without me? That can't be right. He hasn't known me long enough to not be able to live without me. He must just be scared and emotional right now. But Eli doesn't get scared or emotional, well, not really. He's good at controlling his emotions and working through things. He doesn't let his emotions consume him or take over his logical thinking. This isn't the Eli I've come to know. How am I supposed to make a decision now? If I stay with my parents, Eli will be sad. But if I leave my parents, they will be sad. I have missed them so much. Seeing them made me feel like my heart was going to explode out of sheer joy. But they don't know what I've done and what I've been through. To stay with them means I either have to tell them and deal with their shame or lie to them the whole time. There's no way I can live a lie forever, but I don't want to lose their favor or their pride. If I leave them I am going to miss them, like they've just died all over again. But can I live another lifetime without Eli like my poppa said?

I don't know what to do. I don't know which choice is best. Whichever choice I make, someone is going to get hurt; including myself. I suppose I have to decide which is going to hurt the least. I am going to have to live with that decision forever, so I need to think carefully about it. I need to speak to my poppa.

I fall into a dreamless sleep again and I wake to the smell of my momma's pancakes cooking. Cinnamon oatmeal pancakes, just like she used to make. I make my way downstairs slowly, and I hear my parents talking. It's my poppa's voice that stops me in my tracks, “Babochka,we can't make her stay. She has to decide for herself. She loves this man, even if she won't admit it. We can't tear her away from him. She has to choose where she wants to stay, not us.”

“But I missed her so much. Losing her will break my heart all over again...”

“I know, I know. How do you think this Eli is feeling right now? Do you think his heart isn't breaking as well? We have each other but who do they have? What if he never finds anyone else? No one can be as special as our Svetlyak. If she stays here, she will never find someone to make her happy. She will only be with us, and while that will make her pleased, it will never make her truly happy. Let her choose what she wants to do, without us influencing her decision.”

I wait a few minutes before walking into the kitchen. I don't want them to think I overheard. As soon as my poppa looks at me, he knows that I heard everything. However, he doesn't comment on it. He just says, “Let's eat breakfast and then I'll show you what I do with the horses, Danica.”

“Yes poppa.”

“I will collect the eggs and make a great lunch for us.”

I chuckle a little and whisper, “Chickens again, momma?”

“I love my chickens. The saddest thing I did in moving to the States was selling my chickens. They were good chickens...”

I chuckle again and my poppa joins in. My momma shoots us a mock annoyed look, but it's not long before she is laughing with us.