Don't Tell Nash

school

~Rachel's Pov~

I have been in school for about a month now and me and Aaron are still together, Hayes and Sage have been going out for about three weeks and Hayes joined the football team again, I now cheer for Hayes.

School has been hitting me like a brick the last month,  the teachers are dropping homework bombs on me almost every day and I have been staying up really late because I have cheer every night, and then I have to do all my homework, eat, and take a shower so I usually get to sleep around 12 or 1, I am so tired, my grades aren't bad but they aren't that good either I have 4 B's one A and a C.   I want them to be better but for right now thats pretty good.

I've had to skip a couple of hours of school before because I have stayed up so late and I am always angry because I'm not getting enough sleep, it sucks, and I really cant believe that I still have friends because of how mean I have been lately,  I'm always trying to get as much sleep as I can, sometimes during lunch time I go home and take a nap and come back right before lunch is over.  It's really not healthy.  Magcon is starting back up in about 4 months and I have been doing a lot of planning for my bully talk.  All of the guys have been really helpful and on edge for some reason, kind of like someone stuck a stick up their asses I assume they are keeping a secret from me, but I don't have time to worry about that, my mom came back home for a little bit but had to go to Idaho to give an interview.

My entire life is just a giant mess right now....  where did my backpack go?? Uggg.  Oh found it, it was on the chair next to me... oops hehe.

Aaron walked in the room and gave me a kiss.

"Can you help me with my homework please?" I asked. He has been a really big help on trying to get as much sleep in for me as possible.

"sure." he smiled.

When I was done with my homework I went to lay down and Aaron reminded me that I had to eat something.

"Oh yeah." I got up and turned around he was behind me with a sandwich so I didn't have to go downstairs and I thanked him.  Slowly I ate my sandwich and went to bed.

The next day I heard someone mumbling downstairs and I sent Aaron to go see who it was, he came back and had a blank stair on his face.  He was speechless.

He was kind of scaring me so I went over to him.

"Are you okay?" He didn't answer.

"Aaron whats wrong talk to me."

"Go look, wait no don't go look"

I walked out the door and couldn't believe my eyes. I was silent. I didn't know what to do or what to say, I cant even, theres no way, this is a dream, how did, how could, why.

There were so many things I had to, and wanted to say to him that wouldn't come out... Cameron Dallas, the boy, now stranger that left me for 3 or 4 months not knowing what could have happened to him is now standing in the front door of my house looking and talking to my brother standing on my floors feeling my A.C. drinking my water...... I cant even, oh my gosh... I just wanted to scream at the top of my lungs to get him out of here but no words would come out of my mouth, I just cried, and cried.  I wanted to march down these steps with my head held high and slap him across his face, but I couldn't move, I just cried.  I wanted to yell and cuss at him for leaving but I couldn't face him, I just cried...... I wanted to ask him why he left me, but I couldn't.... I just cried.

Soon I fell on my hands and knees, Aaron picked me up and finally something came out.  I didn't care, I screamed to him the words I needed him to hear.

"I HATE YOU!!" everyone ran out of their rooms and I fell to the ground taking Aaron with me.  Cameron and Nash came running out of the kitchen and Aaron and I got up, he was still holding onto me making sure I didn't hurt myself or anyone else.

"YOU BASTARD!! I HATE YOU!! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME!!! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! YOU BITCH!! I LOVED YOU AND YOU LEFT ME!! I CANT BELIEVE YOU HAD THE FUCKING NERVE TO COME BACK HERE!!! FUCK YOU!!! fuck you!!" I yelled at him and my voice slowly faded I fell to the ground once more.  Words could NEVER explain how I feel right now in this moment, he ruined me... he ruined my life.

As I was yelling at him, he said nothing, did nothing, he just cried.  He knows what he did.  He knows how it affected me. He knows.