Don't Tell Nash

fake love

~Rachel's Pov~

Maybe we weren't meant to be loved, us outsiders.  The idea of love is frustrating to me.  You dedicate yourself to someone else, you fight and make up, you forget how to love yourself because your so dedicated to loving them.  People say love buys happiness but in reality what does it get you? Another person to complain to... another person to hurt you?  Right now in this moment guys and girls all over the world are getting their hearts broke by each other because all of a sudden you just weren't good enough... all of a sudden they didn't care.  I don't know, maybe I'm wrong, maybe I just can't get the people I love to stay... maybe it's me.  Distant.  That's what they call me, distant.  My whole life I have been left, my dad, my grandparents, my mom is never home and now him my one "true love" he left me for a whole six months with no idea where he went.  I was the one who was scared... I was the one getting hurt but seeing him again... I guess I'm hurt even more.

I laid in bed with my heart aching and my eyes burning I didn't go to school yesterday because of Cameron coming on Saturday.  I haven't talked to anyone besides Aaron ever since I found out that they kept what they did from me.  Not talking to anyone has been hell for me but them not telling me was even more painful.  Aaron walked into the room.

"Do you want to take a shower baby?" He asked.

"No." I replied starring at the ceiling trying to figure everything out.  He walked over to me and sat on the bed.  His hands covered his face as he put his head down.

"Please Rachel." He looked up at me and he had tears in his eyes.  I sat up.

"I can't." I said.  I was to weak to take a shower I haven't eaten anything since yesterday afternoon, I just haven't had much of a appetite.

"Come on." He said putting out his arms to help me up.  I grabbed his arms and he helped me up.  As we walked down the hall all of the boys were sitting on the steps and just stared at me as I slowly inched my way to the bathroom. I glanced over at them with tears on my cheeks and saw Hayes starring into my eyes as if he wanted me to look.  There was something there... in his eyes,  it was as if he had a little shrivel of hope left and it was stuck right there in his bright blue eyes.  My heart broke.  More tears started to run down my cheeks and I looked away squeezing my eyes shut.

Aaron and I got into the bathroom and he helped me get my cloths off.  He took off all of his cloths but his boxers.  We got in the shower and he turned on the water.  The water hit my back like tiny little bullets on my skin and it soaked into my hair.  I closed my eyes and just sat down.

"Rachel please get up,  just let me wash out your hair at least."

"I don't... I can't."  I wasn't sure what I was trying to say but I know that I didn't want to live anymore.  I have nobody that cares about me.  Nobody.  He sat down and put shampoo and conditioner in my hair at the same time to make the shower faster.

"You can." He said with two tears running down his cheeks.  I cried and cried... Nobody gets it, the feeling of being left is like getting stabbed in the stomach... the pain slowly gets worse and worse.  You expect them to come back and they don't.

He got the rest of the shampoo and conditioner out of my hair and picked me back up.  The towel he got out before the shower was sitting on the counter and he wrapped it around me drying me off.  Before we went to the bathroom he had grabbed a new pair of pajamas for me and he got me dressed.  He put his hand on the side of my face and looked into my eyes.

"Please eat something." He said.  I kissed him and said okay.  When we came out of the bathroom the boys were still on the steps.  Aaron picked me up and put me on his back.  I rested my head on the back of his neck and he sat me down on the chair at the island.

"What do you want?" He asked.

"New brothers." I said loud enough for Hayes to hear.  Aaron gave me a look.

"Oh you meant to eat,  well how about a great big sandwich  of new friends,"  I started to cry. "Actually how about a new life, or just not a life at all..." I heard one of the boys get up, it was Hayes.  He opened the door walked out and slammed it shut.  I heard him yell outside and he walked back in fast walking up the stairs and he walked into his room and slammed the door.

"What do you want?" Aaron said forcing himself not to cry.

"Just an apple." I whispered looking at my shaky hands.

"Okay." He cut up my apple and gave it to me.

"Thank you." I said and started to eat.  It felt good to finally eat. Nash walked into the house and I got up and started to walk away but my legs were to weak so I had to stop and catch my breath.  Aaron picked me up bridal style and carried me back up the stairs into our room and we laid down.  Nash walked into the room and his eyes were puffy.

"I'M SORRY!" He yelled at me.  I looked away from him.

"LOOK AT ME!!  I'M SORRY OKAY!"

"NO NOT OKAY!!" I yelled back.

"YOUR SUCH A FUCKING DRAMA QUEEN!"

"NO!  I'M REALLY NOT!!  I LOVED HIM NASH I LOVED HIM A LOT!!  YOU KNOW THAT!  I CUT MYSELF OVER THAT FUCKING DUSHE BAG!!! I CANT BELIEVE YOUR TAKING HIS FUCKING SIDE!!  HE LEFT US!! GET IT THROUGH YOUR FUCKING SKULL NASH!!  HE DOESN'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT US! Any of us! HE IS ONLY BACK BECAUSE HE FINALLY REALIZED THAT HE HAS NOBODY ELSE BESIDES US!! I'M NEVER GOING TO FORGIVE THAT!!"

"Whatever..." He rolled his eyes at me and I got up the apple must have kicked in because I was full of energy now!  I walked to him and I turned him around.

"ASS HOLE!!" I smacked him across the face and fell to the ground.  Aaron ran over to us and stopped the fight.

"Your not coming to magcon with us."  He said.  I didn't know what to say... I was in shock I never knew I could hate someone so much until now.