Don't Tell Nash

thoughts

~Cameron's Pov~

The way she looked at me... like I was her dad... like I was a stranger that murdered her dog... In that moment I knew that she meant what she said, she truly did hate me and Aaron... oh errand I could see in his eyes he was about to cry at just the sight of how much I was hurting her. At one point he just stared at me, A stair I could never forget a staire that burned a hole straight through my chest. It was as if he just wanted to punch me in the face for even putting the thought of coming back into my head let alone actually coming back. They wouldn't believe me if I told them this but I truly didn't mean to hurt anyone... I didn't even want to leave it in the first place. I loved her... so so so much. Leaving, as she is said wasn't what hurt her the most it was me not coming back and not even telling her where I went.

I got in the shower and thought... just sought all about how I can get everyone to forgive me. Tears kept falling from my eyes onto the tile floor as the water hit my back. I hate myself for hurting her... I really do. If I were her I wouldn't want to see me either. She is such a beautiful girl... and I'm an ass of an idiot... I don't even want to live a life without her. Soon I got out of the shower and went into the kitchen of Nashs part time apartment for when he needs to "get away" what ever that means. When I sat down Nash walked in, seeing him made me cry.

"I loved her." I said in a faint to voice knowing I wasn't convincing anyone.

"why would you leave her? Huh? If you truly loved her why would you leave her to suffer?" I know he's not on my side but I also know he's not on hers.

"I did love her Nash no matter what anyone says I did love her." He shook his head and looked down at his feet.

"she also loved you Cam, she loved you a lot and although you may have loved her you could have never loved her as much as she loved you."

"I loved her a lot, I loved her enough to let her go... It's like you guys don't get it, not only did it tear her apart it tore me apart as well, I was all alone with no idea where I was... Lost, cold, alone all by myself I was suffering, at least she had you guys to help her through her pain."

"She... She didn't have as much help as you may think, she had help from Aaron that's how she and him became a couple she loves him now... Not you."

"I know, she hates me..."

"you have no idea."

"oh I think I do actually."

"Actually, you've got a point."

"Yeah." I said with a little chuckle.

"She hasn't done anything ever since you came back, Aaron had to give her a shower and he made her eat because she couldn't." My body filled with sadness hearing that.

"What did she do?" I paused for a second "you know when I left"

"well she got sad... Really depressed and she started to cut herself she hung up all of the drawings you drew for her in her room, stared at them and cried. One time she was home alone this was maybe a week or so after you left... She was home alone and as soon as I got home I heard her scream, I don't remember what she said all I know is that she needed someone. So, I ran up the stairs and busted through the locked door she had two things in her hands a broken picture frame with a picture of you and her together inside and a knife in the other her arms were cut as well as her legs and I ran over to her got the stuff out of her hands and hug her for as long as she needed. She had me wrap her arms and legs. I hope her as much as I could but I knew it wasn't I was she needed help from... It was you." I was silent and tried to get that image out of my head. I couldn't.

~Shawn's Pov~

All day the guys and I just sat in one of our rooms together. Sometimes we would whisper about what we could do to fix what we did and half the time Hayes would yell at us because he thought that we couldn't fix anything. His major line was "no, that was the last straw she hates us now. All those years of tormenting and teasing has caught up to her when is it going to catch up to you idiots!" Usually that takes everyone off in a huge fight breaks out and the jacks usually split it all up. On the other hand we are usually silent... Hayes?? it is usually silent but his thoughts are screaming out of his hears and his facials signal his cries for help. He sleeps a lot now and doesn't like coming out of his room. I hate seeing him like this... He's like my brother and nobody usually wants to see their siblings hurting, which I would imagine is why he so upset about what we did.

~Hayes' Pov~

I hate how stupid everyone is acting Rachel this and Rachel that maybe if we would stop talking about what happened we can clear our heads but I guess that's not how it works. I love Rachel a lot but she hates the way I treated her, the way we all treated her. I wish I could blame this all on Nash because he was the one who told us not to say anything about it because it's what Cameron wanted but Cameron can suck my ass he didn't care about her and he sure as hell didn't do much for us so why would I do something for him!!?