Open This When...

chapter one

Three months, two weeks, eleven days, thirteen minutes, and twenty-one seconds. That's how long it has been since I lost the love of my life. It was sudden and completely unexpected. He died in a car accident, on no fault of anyone, but sometimes, I'm so angry with whoever that other person is, why do they get to live, but my boyfriend doesn't? Why did they come out unscathed, except for some scratches and bruises? I know it's selfish, so that's why I keep it to myself. I've heard people say that when someone extremely close to you dies, then so do you, or at least, a part of you does, and that's true, for me anyway. When Eli died, I felt as if something inside me died too, I'm missing this big part of my heart and I'm not sure if I'll ever find it again.

"Emma?" Eli's mom's voice stops my train of thoughts.

"Yeah?" My voice is hoarse from crying.

"Did Eli ever give these to you? I found them in the back of his closet, they were in a box with your name on it." She's holding a stack of different colored envelopes.
"No, he never did. I guess he just didn't get the chance." She hands me the stack. At the corner of each letter, open this when is written in Eli's neat handwriting, in the center is a topic. "This is amazing." I whisper, flipping through the letters, there's something in the first, fifth, and last envelope.

"He was always such a sweetheart, especially to you Emma." His mom says. "He loved you so much, you were his entire world, I mean, he told everyone about you."

"I loved him too. So much." He was my entire world too, and now, my world is gone. I can't help it, I start crying. His mom wraps me in a tight hug and smooths my hair back.

"Oh baby, I know, I know, this is not going to be easy, but you can get through it, you know why?" I shake my head. She holds me at arm's length and looks me in the eye. "Because, you are not alone, and you don't have to be, you have me, you have your parents and your friends, you can make it through this."

"So can you." I say. She hugs me harder.

"You're so sweet, Eli was so lucky to have a girlfriend like you."

"And I was lucky to have a boyfriend like him." I say, wiping tears away.

"You do have our home phone number, right?"

"Yes."

"Let me give you my cell phone number too, just in case you can't reach me here."

"Okay." She tears a sticky note from the pad on Eli's desk and writes her number down.

"Here it is, you can call me whenever on the weekends, but Monday through Friday I'll be at work, so I'll be available at any time after three p.m. Does that work out for you?"

"Oh, absolutely, I'll have school until three thirty anyway."

"Alright, well, I need to go to the store, if you want to stay here, you can, or I can drop you off at home, either is fine."

"Yeah, can you drop me off? I have a paper due for history that I need to work on."

"Sure."

*********

I can't focus on my history paper, not with all those letters sitting there. Maybe if I just read one, I'll be able to focus a bit better. I grab the stack from my bed. There are twenty-five letters total:

Open this first, open this when you're sad, open this when you're angry, open this when you miss me, open this when you've got no one else, open this when you're lonely, open this when you feel like crying, open this when you are crying, open this when no one wants to listen you, open this when the distance is too much, open this when you feel like giving up, open this when you need to know someone cares, open this when you need a hug, open this when you need some love, open this when you can't sleep, open this when we haven't talked in a while, open this when you're heartbroken, open this when you're stressed out, open this when you've had a bad day, open this when you feel lost, open this when you need encouragement, open this when you feel out of place, open this when you're sick, open this when you need motivation, open this last.

I pick up "Open this first." I open the letter.

"Dear Emma, if you're reading this, it means that I am currently in my dorm room. I know these letters won't be the same as me actually being there, but I hope they will be a good substitute, I'll be home for all the major holidays, as well as Valentine's day, your birthday, and hopefully, our three-year anniversary. There's a promise ring in the envelope, I hope you like it, I actually picked it out by myself. Think of it as my promise that no matter where we go, or what we do, I'll always love you, and only you. I already miss you and I cannot wait to be able to see you again, you have my cell number and dorm phone number, you can call or text me anytime, once I get my schedule for my classes, I'll email it to you, so you know the best times to call, of course, if it's urgent, call me, it doesn't matter what I'm doing that day, if you need me, I'll be there. I love you and I hope to hear from you soon

Oh, and these letters don't have to be read in order, the only ones that do are 'read this first' and 'read this last'."

I take the promise ring from the envelope, it's a gorgeous silver band with my birthstone, emerald, and his, amethyst. The inside of the band is engraved with the date we started dating, 12-21-12. I slide it on my finger, it's absolutely perfect. I thought I would be able to focus after reading one, but I can't, so I grab my keys and head to my car.

********

The cemetery is quiet, like usual, the only sounds are the leaves rustling in the wind, and my heart pounding in my chest. I sit by Eli's grave and lay down the flowers I brought, they won't last long, not the way the weather has been lately, entirely too cold for the beginning of October.

"I got the letters, I know those were meant for when you went off to college, so I hope you don't mind that I have them now. I won't read them all at once, I'll save them for when I really need them, and as for the promise ring? I love it, It's absolutely perfect, and it fits perfectly. Anyway, I just came to see you, and tell you that I miss you, I miss you so much, so does your mom. I love you, Eli, I wish you were here, homecoming just won't be the same without you, neither will prom, and honestly, I don't even know if I'll go to either this year, well, prom is in April, so technically, that's next year, but you know what I mean. As much as I don't want to leave you here, I have a history paper due in two days and I haven't even started it. I love you and I'll come back soon, I promise." I go back to my car and drive home.

When I get home, my parents are in the living room watching TV.

"Mom? Dad? I'm home."

"Hi Emma, how are you doing today?'

"I'm fine, I just got back from the cemetery and I was going to work on my history paper."

"You haven't started that yet?" Mom asks.

"I've been busy catching up, from where I was sick."

"Okay, well, just take your time, sweetheart, your teachers will give you extra time if you need it." She says.

"Hey kiddo, I thought that maybe if you aren't too busy tomorrow, we can go to your favorite pizza place downtown, you can bring a friend, if you'd like." Dad says.

"Okay, yeah, I would like that." I go to the living room and hug them. "I love you guys."

"We love you too."

                                                                                ************

Okay, so there's chapter one! I'm already feeling better about this chapter than I did at first, there are less mistakes, and I feel like it flows much better! If I made any mistakes, let me know!