Open This When...

chapter three

The next day at school, we get our research papers back. Sarah and I exchange a nervous look.

"You want to look at them together?" Sarah asks.

"Yes, on the count of three?"

"One...."

"Two...."

"Three!" We flip them over. I got a B- and Sarah got an A.

"Hey, I did better than I thought I would! I can't believe I got an A!"

"Great job! I'm pretty happy with this B-. I thought I was going to fail."

"You must not have been as distracted as you thought."

"I must not have been."

"This is a great way to start fall break!"

"I agree!" The bell rings and we pack our things up.

"Emma, may I speak with you for a moment?'

"Sure."

"I'll wait for you." Sarah says.

"Okay." I go to the desk. "Is something wrong?'

"Oh not at all, I just wanted to say how impressed I was with your paper, I know you've been having a hard time with Eli's death lately, and you've been sick, but your paper was excellent!"

"Thank you, I worked really hard on it, and I was worried I didn't do very well, but it seems like I was worried for nothing."

"You really were, Emma, you're a very smart girl, and here lately you've not been giving yourself enough credit."

"I know; I'm trying to get better with that."

"Don't worry about it too much, I was the exact same way in high school." She says. "You take a lot of pride in your school work, and sometimes, I don't get to see that often, it's a wonderful thing to care so much about your grades, but it can also be a curse, don't stress yourself out too much, if you ever need more time on an assignment, just let me know."

"I will. Thank you."

"Anytime, Emma." I leave the class room and join Sarah.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, Mrs. Mason was just complementing my paper, given the circumstances, she also told me to not get myself so stressed over my work, but it's nice that I take pride in my grades."

"It really is, considering you just lost Eli three months ago, most people wouldn't even be focused on school."

"I'm glad I can somewhat focus, I mean, I get the work done, even though I get distracted."

"Everyone does from time to time, the key is to just reign it in before it gets too out of control."

"Right."

"Is it just me, or is today dragging?"

"It is, it's only noon."

"Ugh, I'm just ready to get home, I have a date with my bed and television."

"See, you already found something better than Jackson."

"Very true."

*********

My parents aren't home when Sarah, Kayla, and I walk through the front door. There's a note on the fridge.

"Emma, went to the store, be back later."

Love, mom and dad.

"Seems like we've got the place to ourselves for a while." I say.

"You want to go watch TV?"

"Sure." There's not much on, but we aren't paying attention anyway.

"I cannot believe I got a C- on that paper." Kayla says.

"Which one?"

"That history one."

"That's not so bad."

"It's not good either. I Got a 71%"

"Still not bad, at least you passed."

"Yeah, I'm glad I at least passed, but it's still almost a D."

"Hey, just be glad it's over."

"For now." She says. "There will be other research papers."

"Don't remind me." Sarah says, laughing.

*********

Later that night after Sarah and Kayla have left, it's too quiet and I'm lonely. I could call Sarah, but it's two in the morning. I get up and go over to my desk to get the letters. I find Open this when you feel lonely.

"Dear Emma, I'm sorry you feel lonely, I wish I could be there for you physically, but since I can't, you can call me. Or you can text me, whichever you want. I love you and I promise that when I'm home for the holidays, I'll spend time with you. I love you, Emma, I always will."

I actually do call him, just to hear his voice again. It rings and rings until going to voice mail.

"Hey, I can't come to the phone right now, but I'll call you back if I recognize the number."

I hang up before the beep and sit my phone on my table, then I crawl under the covers and try to sleep. When I can't, I get up and get Eli's jacket from the closet. I put it on and bury my face in the sleeve, it still smells like him, after all this time of it being mine, it still smells like him. His mom had given me his favorite cologne, along with a photo album she had been saving for me as a birthday gift. I, of course, had cried, which in turn, had made her cry.

I close my eyes and breathe in the smell of his jacket, and if I keep my eyes closed, I can imagine he's right next to me, alive and well. But when I open them, my bed is still empty, and Eli is still gone, and I am still alone. Nothing has changed, not really, but it's nice to pretend. But even pretending can only work for so long before reality comes crashing in.