Open This When...

Chapter ten

I'm the first one up the next morning so I start cleaning the house up a little so my parents won't have to later. Once everything is clean, I decide to start breakfast.
"Something smells good." Kayla says.
"I'm making eggs and bacon."
"Perfect, I'm starving. Do you have any orange juice?"
"Yes, actually." Sarah comes in next and sits down.
"Good morning."
"Morning. Are you hungry?"
"Yes. Hey I think we should go out and find Halloween costumes today. For the carnival."
"Yeah! That sounds good." Kayla says.
"We can go after breakfast, I think that big Halloween warehouse is open this early. " I say.
"We need to do a group costume, I just don't know what yet." Kayla says.
"Oh! We can all go as different foods, I call a taco."
"Okay, yeah, that sounds good to me. I want to find a french fry costume. What about you, Emma?" Kayla asks.
"Hmm, a hamburger?"
"Then I'll go as a soda, it would make more sense." Sarah says.
"I should leave a note for my parents, so they don't worry." I say, jotting down a quick note on the memo pad on the fridge. We eat breakfast and get dressed, then we head out.
*********
"I can't believe they actually had the costumes we wanted, I didn't think they would." Sarah says, sipping her coffee.
"I know, I thought for sure we'd have to find something else." Kayla adds. I can kind of hear them talking but their voices sound a million miles away. This is the first Halloween without Eli, of course, there's going to be tons of first this, first that without you things, but this first is in a week. Firsts aren't always a good thing. I'm pulled out of my thoughts by someone yanking me back onto the sidewalk.
"Em! Hey, be careful!" Sarah's voice is shrill and Kayla looks like she's about to cry.
"I.. What?"
"You spaced out again and went off the sidewalk, you walked into the street!"
"Oh.. Oh my God. I'm.. I'm sorry."
"It's okay, you aren't hurt and that's what matters. Here walk in between Kayla and I." I nod.
"Okay." I whisper.
*********
We don't mention my little near death experience to my parents, they have enough to worry about, they don't need to worry about me spacing out and walking into to traffic, too. Kayla and Sarah stay a few hours more, just to make sure I'm ok, then they head home and I'm alone again. I'm still shaken up, so I call Eli just to hear his voicemail pick up, but it doesn't, his phone has been disconnected. I hang up and stare at the wall, that's it, I'll never hear his voice again. I swallow and try not to cry, but my heart keeps pounding and my throat feels tight and thick with sadness and I can't see straight, I feel hot and scared like something horrible has just happened and I'm shaking. I just need to go to sleep, I need to sleep and forget about accidentally walking into the street, forget that my boyfriend is gone in every sense of the word, forget that I'm never going to hear his voice again. Forget everything that's happened after the accident, because if I base my life in before, I'll be okay. Before the accident, Eli and I were the perfect couple, I was happy all the time and everything was fine, before his phone got disconnected, before everything started falling apart, before, before, before.
I bury my face into my pillow and whisper "before" until I fall asleep, still shaking, still scared, still stuck in after.