Open This When...

Chapter nineteen

I lay down as soon as we get home, not even bothering to change out of my clothes.

"Let me know if you need anything." Mom says.

"I will."

"Can I ask you something? Without upsetting you I mean."

"Sure."

"Have you been taking your medicine?"

"No, honestly I kind of forgot I even had it."

"I'm going to go and get it for you. It will really help you to take it."

"Okay." While mom is downstairs getting my medicine, I reach into my backpack to get my letters, but they aren't in there. It feels like all the air in my body has been sucked out. "No... no..." I murmur. I dump my backpack out, but they still aren't there. I burst into tears. "I'm such an idiot, God, I'm such an idiot!" That was it, the last thing I was ever going to get from Eli, gone. I'm still sobbing when mom comes in.

"Emma? What is it honey?"

"My letters! They're gone! Th-they were in my backpack and they aren't now, I haven't finished them yet and they're gone!!"

"Okay sweetie, just relax, it's ok, I'll help you look for them. Where's the last place you remember having them?"

"My backpack! What if they fell out?" I ask, a new wave of panic washing over me.

"Here, let's look around your room. Maybe they're in here somewhere." She starts to open my desk drawers. "I found them. It's okay. You must have left them at home this morning." I stop crying and look at my mom, sniffling and wiping my nose on my sleeve.

"Thank you so much." She hands them to me and I clutch them to my chest. "I was so scared that they were gone."

"You're welcome. Here's your medicine." I take the pill from her and swallow it. "Try and get some sleep okay? Maybe we can go out for dinner tonight if you feel up to it." I nod and lie back down. Once she leaves, I go through the stack of letters. I find "Open this when you're crying"

Dear Emma, I'm sorry you're upset, if it's something I've done, just know that I never meant to hurt you and that I love you with all my heart. I wish I could be there with you, but since I can't, I'm writing this letter. Think of some of our many inside jokes, or watch a funny video. I just want you to be happy. Again, sorry this letter isn't very long, I've never really been good with words."

I smile, even just his handwriting has lifted the sadness a little. Suddenly I get an idea.

"Mom? Hey, Mom?" She runs in.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, hey, I have an idea, does the craft store in town sell frame sets? Like, four or five frames in one package? I want to frame these letters and put them on my walls."

"I'm not sure, we can check though." I get up and grab my wallet.

"Can we go now?"

"Are you sure you don't want to take a nap first?"

"Yeah, I can't sleep until I do this."

"Okay, I'll go get my keys." I follow her downstairs. "Framing them is a good idea."

"I figured they would stay safer that way."

"Yeah, they probably will." She says. We head out to the car. "Are you hungry? We can stop somewhere for food after the craft store. Or before, if you would prefer that."

"Yeah, I am kind of hungry. But can we just go through a drive-through somewhere? I don't really want to go into any restaurants."

"Sure. It's up to you."

When we get home, I start getting all the letters into frames.

"Do you need any help?"

"Can you start hanging up the ones I've already framed?"

"Sure, does it matter where they go?"

"No. As long as they're near my bed and desk, it doesn't matter. Where should I put the extra frames?"

"Closet, they'll stay safe in there until you're ready to use them." I finish framing the letters and put the rest of the frames in my closet. I look around.

"I like it." I say. "But it's missing something." I think for a second. "Lights, it needs fairy lights. Where are the Christmas decorations?"

"Hall closet."

"Can I use a set of the lights in here?"

"I don't see why not. I think it will add a really nice touch." I nod.

"Me too, can you go and get me the gold ones?"

"Yes. Do you want another set or just the ones?"

"Just the ones will be good."

"Okay. Be careful when you string them up, though, I don't want you to fall."

"I'll be careful, don't worry."