The waiting room is cold and I wish I would have brought a jacket with me. It's too quiet and smells too clean and I want to leave, but I'm here now and there's no going back. Finally I get called back. I sit on the table, the paper crinkling underneath me.
"So, Emma, I hear you've been having kind of a hard time lately?"
"Yeah." I say, my voice barely a whisper.
"And you've been isolating yourself? Not answering texts or calls from friends? Not leaving the house?" I nod.
"Do you think you're depressed?"
"I.. I don't know, maybe."
"Do you ever feel anxious or upset? Do you do things without thinking? Things that could be dangerous?"
"Anxious and upset, yes. And I only did something that could be dangerous once, I ran to my boyfriends house during a storm. Without any shoes or a jacket."
"Why did you run there?"
"I didn't want to drive, because of the storm, and his phone had been turned off. Sometimes I call his phone, just for the voicemail, it's the only way I can hear his voice anymore." I say, my throat suddenly feels tight, and I don't feel like I can talk. I take a shaky breath, blinking tears away before they can fall. "I'm sorry." I whisper, my voice shaking.
"You're doing just fine, Emma. It's okay. Now, would you like to try some medication? For depression and anxiety?" I nod, swallowing.
"If it will help, yes, I just.. I want things to go back to normal."
"I can't promise that you taking medicine will make things go back to normal, or even that it's going to help, but I do think it's worth a try."
"Okay. Yes, I would like to try something." He writes something down, then hands me two pieces of paper.
"These are your prescriptions here, come back in two weeks for a follow up. And good luck, Emma, I hope things start to get easier for you."
"Thank you."
********
"Emma? Your friends are here." My mom says.
"Okay, be right down." When I get downstairs, Sarah and Kayla rush forward to hug me.
"Emma, we've been so worried! How are things?" Sarah asks.
"They've been... well, rough. I'm sorry for ignoring you guys. I mean, I kind of ignored everyone, so don't take it personally, but I'm still sorry."
"It's okay, Emma, we've just been really worried, that's all." Kayla says.
"So, how did it go at the doctors today?"
"Good, I guess, he gave me some new medicine to try, I took it earlier, so at least we know it doesn't have any weird side effects."
"Right. So, do you mind if we hang out here? I figured we could just go up to your room and talk."
"Of course you guys can stay, I've missed you too." We go upstairs and sit on my bed. "Sorry about the mess, I haven't really had the motivation to clean it.
"Don't worry about it, my room is messier than this." Sarah says.
"Yeah, it's really not that bad." Kayla adds.
"Oh, Emma, I know this is your first Halloween without Eli, so if you just want to stay in that night, we won't be upset, and if you decide you just want to be alone, that's fine too."
"I think I will go. It may be good for me to go out and do something with you guys."
"Okay. But if you start feeling off or nervous, let one of us know and we can leave."
"Okay. I'll bring my medicine with me, just in case, I want to try and stay until it's over."
"We'll be there for you the whole time, we won't get seperated." I smile.
"Thanks, guys."
YOU ARE READING
Open This When...
RomanceEmma's boyfriend is dead, but his memory is not. She still has his jacket, his football Jersey, the necklace he gave her, and a huge stack of "Open This When" letters he had written for her. As she reads them, she realizes that he loved her more tha...
