Staying With The Bad Boy For Two Months

No Closure : 24

"You have lost too much love. To fear, doubt and distrust. It's not enough. You just threw away the key--to your heart. Your heart's a mess."

-

"Avalon, what is your problem?" I managed to ignore Alec since the talk with Olivia, and I refuse to quit as of now. It sounds silly..I know. But I do not want to quit now. I would rather not blow up again in front of the whole school. That, like the several other times, would be very embarrassing.

I shoved myself past him, peeking downwards to hide myself from the wondering eyes that had set on the both of us. One shouting, infuriated bad boy and a shy, innocent little nobody makes a rather confusing scene. But fairly interesting, as well.

"Please, tell me what I did! Last night.." I whipped around, piercing my gaze directly through his and placing my hands on his chest, pushing him back against the lockers. He glared at me angrily. Okay, maybe I wasn't going to ignore him for long?

"Leave me alone, Alec. Just stop. Please." I allowed my voice to stay as quiet as possible. The tiniest bit of sadness leaked from my vocals as I spoke, even though I was as mad as I possibly could be. I strained my eyes to avert from his and moved aside, slipping my way through the paused students that stood in the hallway. Emery quickly appeared at my side.

"What was that all about?" She asked, holding her palm on my shoulder. I peeked a glance at her and choked back a cry. "No, do not cry. What happened?" She pressured. I shook my head, looking away, even though the only thing to make me look away was Kayde's locker. It was neatly laced with arrangements of flowers, cards, and small grievances. I then began to cry.

-

"Hey, Avalon, are you okay?" Blake asked, nudging my shoulder. I looked up at him and wiped away the fresh tear trails and closed my locker door slowly. I knew I did not have to say anything for him to get the idea I was one-hundred percent not okay. He nodded, grabbing my arm loosely and tugging me forwards. "Let's talk, then." He said.

We made it to the court yard soon after the small encounter. I sat on the swing beside Blake, trying to console my emotions from spilling out. I was too young to be feeling so weak and helpless. At this age, I should be having nothing but shits and giggles. Instead I just felt anger. So much that the anger began to consume me at the admission of my weakness.

After a solitary moment of silence between the both of us, I began to speak my mind. "Why do the good people always have to die?" I muttered, staring downwards brokenheartedly. He looked up at me and took a breath, the air he exhaled crystallizing before him as he began to reply.

"When you are in a garden, which flowers do you pick?" The question he was asking me was confusing, I didn't know what he was intending to mean by it. Even though I was clueless, I knew he was making a point. I answered.

"The most beautiful ones.." I retorted quietly.

"Exactly." He murmured, averting his gaze once more and looking upwards at the dull colored sky. I felt my breath hitch in my throat as his voice cooed into the nothing. "Avalon," He began, tilting his pale grey eyes towards me once more. "what do you feel with Alec?"

"Alec?" I spoke, feeling the tears yank from my sockets again. "You know, the sad things about dreams are that they always come to an end. That is all we are, Blake. It was beautiful and incredible and so, so wonderful. For the smallest amount of time. But it was also transient, unrealistic, and temporary.  But God.." My voice came to a bitter halt, hushing off the last of the phrase. "God, how I wish that were different." I knew that loving him was like chasing after the clouds. I know it is impossible, but I still crave it. Just for the excitement, the thrill it gave me; just for the feeling of the adrenaline coursing through my veins. But after all of this time, I knew it was pointless going after something that I knew for a fact was completely out of reach. Loving him was like wishing for the moon and stars to appear in my arms.

I felt his fingertips place on my arm, causing me to look up at him attentively. I never knew that me and Blake would be talking like this. He was so deep and mysterious. Not like Tanner, who was goofy and perverted. Not like Kayde, who was just silly all around. Not even the slightest bit like Alec, who was a total asshole and took everything seriously. He was just quiet. You would never think that someone like him could ever be friends with people like them. He, in my opinion, seemed like the type of guy who would never hang out with that type of crowd.

"Do not give up on him. He is an asshole, yes, but he is also in love with you. Do not let that demean you from his presence. Because one day, you are going to regret that you did not open your mouth when you should have. And you are going to regret the fact that you let him give up on you, instead." The words slipped from his lips sullenly as he stood, removing his trace against my arm and forcing a halfheartedly smile. I parted my lips to reply, but nothing came out. Because he was right. For the first time in forever, I had nothing else to say. He walked back into the school building, leaving me sitting like a deer in headlights for the remainder of that small, fraction of a moment. Lost.

-

"When are your parents coming back home?" Emery asked, glazing the nail polish over her nails carefully. I shrugged, lying back against the bed and heaving a throaty sigh. I figured it was best to be at Emery's house rather than show my face around Alec, again. I had a feeling it would end badly. But still, all I seemed to think about was Blake. Everything he had said entirely changed my point of view on Alec. He's had it rough, and I am simply making it even harder for him. It isn't fair.

"Em, why me?" I stammered loosely, gazing upwards at my ceiling with a blank stare that lasted for what felt like ages. She stopped draping the red polish over her nails and glanced over at me.

"What do you mean?" She questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Why did I have to get pulled into this mess? Why did my parents have to have an anniversary and leave me with them? I just do not get why I am the one who has to make all of these decisions.." I sighed dramatically, pulling a soft pillow over my face and pressing it harshly against my mouth and nose.

"Suffocating yourself won't do anything," Emery chuckled. "And I think things happen for a reason, Avi. Maybe it is destiny that you two end up having the most difficult relationship of all time. Call it fate, if you will. Whatever it is—it's special." She continued painting her nails, using a q-tip to wipe off the strayed paint.

I rolled over on my side and grumbled, biting at the inside of my cheeks. "Kayde didn't die for a reason."

"You know what I mean." She sighed, twisting the cap back onto the polish and snuggling up beside me. "I'm sorry, Em."