Staying With The Bad Boy For Two Months

Time Flies : 34

"Hey, I was doing just fine before I met you. I drink too much and that's an issue, but i'm okay. Hey, you tell your friends it was nice to meet them but I hope I never see them again."

 He looked at me, I looked at him. I instantly felt the breath I had been working up on all day lock in the center of my chest and cause me the struggle to breath. He was leaving. He wasn't coming back. I was going to lose him and there wasn't anything I could do to prevent him from doing so.

 "Avi!" Emery squealed, clutching the cherry red graduation cap in her hand and smiling so wide it made me tear up. My best friend was leaving too, deporting to England for an honorary scholar in Oxford along with Tanner. How they were able to both get in was beyond me. Emery however, it didn't quite surprise me. She was a brilliant girl with a spectacular future ahead of her and I hadn't even received a single acceptance letter yet. Emery wrapped her arms tightly around me, her robe swaying at her calves as she did so. I could feel the tears burn in the back of my eyes. "I'm going to miss you so much." She mumbled, tugging away and glancing at me. I sighed.

Blinking away the tears, I replied as best as I could, regardless of how much I craved to fall against the ground in a childish fit. "I am going to miss you so much more, Em." Emery bit at the inside of her cheeks and looked down with a hesitant stare. She knew Alec was leaving, too. That I was going to have to force myself to make it on my own after they were gone. Blake didn't show up to graduation, he was already on a trip to Connecticut to embark on his pathway in Yale. Only then did I realize how talented my friends were, and how disadvantaged I was.

"I'll visit on the holidays." She spoke softly, lifting her perception back to mine and forcing a tight smile. I looked away. It wasn't enough. I wanted her here with me, Alec with me, everything just to stay the same. No matter how selfish it sounded. I wasn't prepared for a big change.

Crowds of excited, celebrating teenagers began to toss their caps in the air and cheer. Emery bounded off with Tanner dragging her by the arm and shouted, the two of them soon being consumed by the thrill and disappearing. I stayed in my place, watching intently with a frown, my cap pressed against my chest.

"Baby," Alec said from behind me, his breath hot against my neck. "you are graduating. Don't you think you should be out there celebrating?" The tassel of his cap brushed softly against my shoulder before I exhaled a deep breath. I pivoted around and pressed my face against his firm chest, the tears falling effortlessly as his arms barricaded around me. "Avalon.." He mumbled softly. I could tell he felt sorry for me.

"I love you, Alec." I whispered. A different kind of hurt tore against me as I realized that it was the last time I would ever get to say that to him directly, to be able to fall into his arms. I had never appreciated the firsts until I had come to witness the lasts. It only made me want to take all of the tears, broken hearts, and wasted time back and be able to relive each and every moment.

He pulled away and glided his thumbs softly along my upper cheeks, his lips pressing against mine for a mere second before I fell back into him. He wasn't going to say it back and that hurt me more than anything. It meant that he was ready to let go and I wasn't, i'm not sure that I would ever be entirely ready to let go. "You're going to be okay, I promise." He said, kissing my cheek. I blinked and stepped back, looking down. I wasn't going to be okay.

"Get together! I want to take your graduation photo before they head off!" My mom smiled, cupping her hand against my shoulder and pressing me back against Alec. Emery and Tanner joined in next to us and were laughing, while Alec glanced over at me and frowned. I was hardly smiling at all.

;

 "I'll talk to you soon, Avalon. Promise." Alec said, hugging me briefly before he slipped into his car. I took a soft breath and watched as Olivia shut the trunk tightly, holding back soft cries as he buckled himself in with the safety belt. He glanced up at me once more and forced a small smile. Within several seconds, I only saw him disappearing along the road, his hand hardly outside of the window.

My stomach churned and my heart clenched, the steady thumping slowing to a heavy pounding within my ears. "I love you." I mumbled beneath my breath, wincing as my fathers arm wrapped protectively around my shoulders. 

"It's going to be okay, sweetie." God, how I hated hearing those words. I just watched the boy I loved leave me and I was supposed to act like everything was going to be just fine. "Come inside, Clove misses you." My heart dropped at her name. I wasn't ready to see her yet, not the dog Alec gave to me. Not the dog he gave to me when Kayde died. Clovers were supposed to bring luck and all I have had is a series of unfortunate events. 

Who am I to blame a dog, though? She didn't cause any of this. Nothing that has ever happened has had anyone to blame. "I'm sorry. I just want to be alone right now." I said softly, brushing past him as gently as I could before slipping into the drivers side of my car and putting the keys into the ignition. I fought the urge to cry. It was such a bad, bad idea to cry but I just couldn't help myself.

I drove for miles without even thinking about where I was going, not even checking to see if the speed limit was matching my mph. I just drove. It felt like hours before I actually felt my car come to a stop and when I looked up, I began to cry even harder. I stepped out of the car and took short glides to the head stone which sat above Kayde's grave.

"I didn't bring flowers," I spoke softly, my lip quivering a shaky mess. "I just needed someone. You aren't here, I know, but it feels like you are the only one closest to me right now." I choked back a sob and brought my sleeves underneath my eyes, wiping away the tears. "God, Kayde. I miss you so much. I miss you calling me kitten and always being the silliest one, but also for being the person who stood by me when nobody else would. I love you so much and I hate myself for not being able to say goodbye, no matter how badly I didn't want to." It took a moment before I had realized that I was on my knees and just staring at his name engraved perfectly into the stone. "After you passed, I gave my heart to Alec. I tried to love him after every god damn thing. Eventually, he had finally given himself to me and everything was perfect. But now.. now he is gone forever and I don't know what to do. Calling, texting, face timing, it isn't the same as feeling his touch or the softness of his lips."

I looked down, suppressing a soft sigh. The grass was soft where I was kneeling down. It wasn't damp or brownish, it was dry and perfectly green. "I'm leaving," I said after a moment of thought. "I'm going to London." It was strange after that, I could just slightly feel the coldest touch against my shoulder but as soon as I glanced aside, it became warm again.

I stood and brushed my fingertips across the chilled stone, a small smile lifting at the corners of my lips. "Thank you for everything." 

Change is good. I hope.