U L T R A V I O L E T

XVI

May 19, 19—
Today, I went to the aquarium and I felt quite selfish. My birthday was yesterday and I thought I could treat myself. All marine life has always fascinated me. They are so mysterious, and regardless of how advanced the human race is becoming, we have yet to fully explore our own ocean. As I walked through the thick glass tunnels, I felt so bad. These animals shouldn't be here. They should be in the ocean, where they were meant to be. It makes me wish I could be different from all humans, but we are fucking programmed to destroy. You can't stop automatic unless you cut the wires. You don't see any other species using and torturing humans for a few seconds of sick pleasure. I will forever consider this the worst fifteen dollars I have ever spent. I literally gave monsters money to keep destroying. I've been quiet anxious lately and I hate myself for being this way, and I don't know how to get myself out of this hole. My mind is scattered and so is this entry. My head thinks of two million things a minute and I have a constant headache. I wish there was somewhere I could escape to. A creative escape perhaps. I wish there was a way to do that here. This earth is cold and empty, and art deserves no place here. The monstrous feelings are attacking me again. Here is the silent help me. Soaked into the paper for no one to see. For no one to ever even think of helping me. People don't do that for me, they just don't and they never will. People don't care about failures like me, because the don't understand and I can't explain. Here's to another day. May it not be as dreadful as this one was. Until next time. x
-a.l.r