U L T R A V I O L E T

XXIX

I closed those bonded pages of beautiful thoughts and I could feel the blood drain out of my fingers. I find out if I am an ultraviolet or a violet tomorrow. I ever knew my guide had such a mind on her. She made it seem like she was so simple minded and boring, but she's not. She is one of the most amazing people, and I don't see how someone so wonderful could just be a violet. I think I'm probably a violet because I'm not that talented or special. I'm just an exister and that's all I can ever possibly be. I'm not nothing but I'm not everything and to some, that's a defect. I haven't decided how to explain myself to others and now I need to sit in silence. Everything here seems so busy and I'm not sure if I can live without silence. There's music booming off all of the roofs mixing in beautiful harmony. All the flowers in my room are blooming so robust and strong. The stark white, wrinkled sheets reflected the blues and purples in a serene harmony. I am imperfection surrounded by imperfection. I came here full well knowing what I was getting myself into but I just don't think I belong here either. You can't be as flawed as I and expect to fit in here. Every time I walk down the streets, no one looks at me with stealthy glares, but I just know that I wouldn't be an interesting person to them. I am a cumulation of flaws and they are cumulation of perfection. I don't belong here or anywhere for that matter. Thinking that I would feel at home here was foolish thinking, wasn't it. I don't feel as if I don't exist anymore. Maybe I don't. Maybe I never did. I know I never will.