Broken {Completed}

I'm Afraid

"What's on your mind?" Jen asked breaking the silence that lingered between us for a while. "You've been quiet all most all night."

I looked into her chocolate brown eyes. For a moment I wanted to tell her how much I loved her, but I didn't think that was the best thing to say right now. I wasn't sure what to say at all really.

I shrugged. "I have a lot going on right now, and I don't know how to handle it."

"What do you mean?"

"It's nothing."

A frown form on her face at my response. Her head drooped down enough for her hair to cover her beautiful face from me. I wanted to reach out and pull those brown locks out of the way.

"Since when did you get so hard to read?" I don't think she meant to say that loud enough for me to hear, but I did.

"Jen, it's just I don't know what to think when I'm around you. If I get close to you, you push me away, but some times it's almost like you want me to be close to you. So I finally think that I have a chance, and you push me away again." I was hurt and on the verge of giving up. The way she was looking at me was like she was scared. Great now she'll leave me for sure. I looked away and went back to staring blankly at the bar top.

"Shannon," she said lifting my chin to meet her gaze. The next thing I knew her lips were pressed softly to mine. I didn't know what to do, so I just stared at her as she pulled away.

"You can kiss back," she laughed.

I didn't hesitate pulling her into my arms and colliding my lips with hers. Her kiss was still just as soft and passionate as it was when we dated all those years ago. God I missed this.

She pulled away and looked around before taking my hand and guiding me out. I was having a hard time believing that this was real because she was here. With me.

We finally made it to the car, and I unlocked the doors and opened her for her. That's when I froze. Were we really going to do this?

"Shannon." I leveled myself to her and she pulled me into a kiss. "I know that is really confusing to you, but I want to forget everything around me. Even if it's just for one night."

I didn't want this to be for one night. This is the first time I've felt alive in a long time. All I wanted was this moment. I closed her door and got into the driver side starting the engine. She turned on the radio and began singing to the first song that came on.

I laughed and began to drive to my house. As she sang I felt young again. So many memories came back to me. The long road trips, the open mic nights, and the crazy dates. I began to remember why I loved her so much. She was so full of life and love.

I pulled into my driveway and quickly cut the engine. I grabbed her hand bringing her attention to me. Her smile faded the moment she saw I was serious.

"Are you sure you want this? Once it's done, I'm not turning back. I can't keep pretending that the only relationship we have is strictly business."

I waited for minutes for her to respond, but when she didn't I put the car in reverse and backed out. I shouldn't have said anything. Great way to fuck things up, Shannon.

She remained silent the drive back to her house. I wanted her to say something, anything, but she wouldn't even look my way.

When I pulled into her driveway she didn't make a move to get out. "It's been 17 years. It's been 17 long years of being an adult. I didn't get the chance to live out the rest of my fantasy world."

"What do you mean? You were 16 when you left me. You didn't have to grow up. You could have just as easily just went back to living with your parents."

"I tried. They wouldn't take me in."

"Why?"

Tears began to form in her eyes to the point where she was crying.

Suddenly it hit me. I gripped the steering tightly trying not to lose myself in anger.

"I was pregnant. I wanted to tell you, but when I saw you with Macy, I-- I just..." Her sobs quickly grew uncontrollable as she get out of the car. "I had to tell you. I understand if you never want to see me again." She shut the door and went inside the house.

I was left staring after her.

I have a kid. Those words kept replaying in my head.

I have a kid. How old are they now?

I have a kid.

I grabbed my phone and dialed Jared's number. I was on the brink of a breakdown. I needed someone to talk to me and help me through this.

"Hey bro, what's up?"

I couldn't say anything as tears began to choke me. I rested my head on the steering wheel and felt the gripping pain in chest.

"She told you didn't she?"

"How the hell do you know!" I snapped. After 17 years and a few months of her living here she never once mentioned the possibility of her having a child yet alone that child being mine, but she told Jared. That got under my skin.

"I found out because he's in my class, and he's just as stubborn and hard headed as you sometimes, but Shannon don't do anything stupid. She loves you. The only reason why she didn't tell you 17 years ago is because you would run, so my advice to you, is to be the man that I know you are and accept it."

"Jared, he would be at least 17 by now! I can't just walk into his life when he's nearly a man himself! What's the point?"

"The point is that you want to be there! Even if it is late. You can't be blamed for all of it because you just found out. However, had you not been such a dick to her in the first place you might have been there for him in the beginning, so you're still to blame."

"I can't Jared. I just can't."

"You know you've already met him. He wants you in his life Shannon even if it's just because he's tired of his mother being lonely. That kid will do anything for her including accept a father he never knew he had."

That's impossible. I haven't met any... Then it hit me. Rick he showed up one day out of the blue asking for an interview, any they weren't typical interview questions. And then again at the club when Jen freaked out over him being there.

"I still don't know Jared."

"Try to get to know him. The two of you are more a like than you think." Jared hung up.

I looked back at the house. It wasn't that I didn't think we'd get along. I was afraid of disappointing her, and not being the example for her son that she needed. Even more so, I was afraid of becoming like my father.

I got out of the car and walked to the door. My heart told me to open, but my mind was warning me against it.

I love her. I have to at least try. I grabbed the knob, and it turned allowing me in. "Jen," I called, but didn't get a response. "Jen!" I closed the door and made my way deeper into the house. There were pictures on the wall of Jen and Gunnar, and one of them in particular struck me hard. It was Jen in a graduation gown holding a small baby in her arms. He looked a lot like me as an infant, but as I looked at the pictures he started to look more and more like his mother until he hit puberty. Then he looked a lot like Jen's father. I missed so much of his life already.

"Shannon?" I turned to see Jen standing at the back of the house. Her hair was dripping wet, and I could tell that she had cried even more since she got out of the car.

I rushed to her and took her face between my hands and kissed her. "I love you, and I want to be there for you, but I've missed 17 years of my son's life. I don't see myself one being much of a parent figure to him."

"You don't have to be a parent. You be his friend."