I said a couple chapters back that I needed vent, so, here is the dreaded author's note.
To start off, I'd like to thank all of you miraculous people for your support. It means the world to me. I have very low self-esteem to begin with, so you guys really give me a boost. I can't thank you enough.
Now on to the venting/personal stuff.
To break it down, I've got three really close sisters, and no brothers whatsoever. But, trust me, they make up for the loss of testosterone. Anyway, my parents have raised me to try to be respectful, kind, selfless, and above all, to know where my heart and values lie.
My whole life, I've been pushed to be better and to be the mature one. I've been told I always need to know what to do and I need to act as a leader. My family, friends, teachers, and church have always seen me as a mature woman who always knows what to do and what's right.
Recently, one of my sisters has been making some very bad decisions involving her love life, putting her in danger. She's pushing the rest of us away if we try to help. That, plus the fact that my father will be having to change jobs, and one of my grandparents has cancer and is dying.
I am getting really overwhelmed, and I'm still expected to smile and wave. I have to ask what others' needs are before I even begin to address my own. My facade is crumbling and my resolve is disappearing. My intimate family is being pulled in every direction and we can't tell anyone what is going on in fear of gossip and judgement. I mean, my father is a very respected man and to hear that his daughter is doing immoral things and he's losing his job? He would be ruined.
We're trying our best to help my sister out of her situation and look for good jobs for my father. And, well, spend as much time with my grandparent as I can, but I feel like I'm just being shot in the knees. I'm just watching everything I've ever been taught laugh in my face. I feel like someone's punching me in the gut and asking how much I can take before I fall.
I'm sorry to be so... intimate and personal, but you guys are one of my best support systems. I don't expect a unanimous cyber-hug or even a vote on this, but I'd like for someone to know without having the consequence of it being shoved back down my throat.
Anyway, sorry again. Have a great day and stay rockin'!
~Sports_books_1816
