(Trigger warning: self harm/suicidal tendencies/ depression)
(Post- Infinity War as well, so spoilers ahead...
Oops)
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It was terrible. They were gone. They were all gone.
You were left in Wanda's ashes when you lifted your head.
The world seemed... emptier.
You found Wanda gone. Bucky had passed. T'Challa. Vision. Groot. Sam.
You didn't even know about the rest.
You looked up to Steve, not speaking, but asking.
The look on his face answered you.
Yes, they were gone.
A paralysis seemed to seep through your body.
You knew life would never be the same. It would simply... stop.
It continued for months.
•••••
You found how all the others were gone. Tony was in shambles. He went off the grid. The rest of you went back to the Avengers compound. No one knew what to do. Half of earth was gone. Half the universe was gone.
You were without direction.
You had failed.
It all came barreling down on you one day.
You remembered promising Wanda that she and Vision would be safe. You had promised them that this was the last time.
It was.
T'Challa had given his country, his power, his life. You should have done more.
Groot had barely lived his second life.
Peter—
Oh, Peter.
You were not much older than Peter. Barely six years.
Why had you lived, when they were all dead?
Why did you deserve the right to breathe when they had all turned to dust?
Why were you alive? Why didn't you try harder? What were you doing that they hadn't? Who decided your soul outweighed theirs?
Your pain led you to extremes. Your conscience balanced on the edge of a razor blade. You bled for them. You hated how your nerves burned and screamed while they would never feel again. Ironically, you had the ability to manipulate blood. Morbidly, you could see their faces in the streams down your arms and legs. You watched as the crimson pools that collected on the floor waved and tossed, shivering into the shapes and forms of your dead friends.
It continued almost daily.
Steve found out first.
He immediately told Nat.
You and Nat had a complicated past. She was sent for you when you first discovered your powers. Others were haunted at your macabre element. Any battlefield was your playing ground. The more dead, the stronger you became.
She was only enchanted. You turned a horrifying sight into a beautiful display, forming fountains and figurines out of pungent scarlet puddles.
She took you under her wing and trained you in self defense and psychological manipulation as well. You were almost the closest on the team.
When it came to your recent harming, it broke her heart.
She knocked on your door, catching you in the act. It was painful to put the blood back in once the nerves were exposed to air. You pushed the blood into the bathtub drain, clearing any evidence. You then pulled the blood from the top of your skin, using your ability to keep the rest from pouring out.
Nat knocked again, and you sighed before opening the door.
She immediately rushed in and embraced you. For the first time, you saw her crying.
"It's not your fault," she whispered.
You broke as well and the two of you knelt to the floor, still hugging.
"I can't believe that," you whispered back.
She squeezed you before pushing you back, gazing into your eyes.
"You couldn't have done any more than the rest of us. We were all beaten. We were all scarred. If you want to blame yourself, you'd have to blame all of us."
She put an emphasis on the end of her sentence.
"(Y/N), you know we love you. You know I love you. And you know that this—" she motioned towards your exposed wrists and legs. The dry, white lines almost gleamed, stinging your eyes.
"— is not what they would have wanted. We need to keep moving forward. We need to honor their memory by still standing up. By standing for ourselves. By standing for others. For standing with each other. Don't let it be the end of them that drives you down. Live for them. We will see about tomorrow."
She gave you a small smile before you both just hugged again in silence.
You felt a release from the pressure in your chest. You felt yourself smile through the pain and tears.
Tomorrow would be okay.
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A/N: Hey guys! You all are amazing for sticking through! I hope to have more requests and feedback from you guys!
You know the drill,
~Sports_books_1816
