Cloak and Dagger

Chapter 23

"Aikurushii-chan!"

I yelp as Misa barrels into me, flinging her skinny arms around my neck. Mello steps back as I carefully keep both of us upright.

"Misa-chan, please be more careful!" I exclaim. "This can't be good for your baby."

Misa immediately begins to cry into my shoulder. I rub her back soothingly.

"Misa-chan? Is everything alright?" I ask quietly.

"I just... I thought you were dead... When I heard what happened to you, what that man Teru did... And now, you're only concerned with me?" Misa whimpers between sobs. "Dammit all, Aikurushii-chan, think of yourself for once."

"I don't like to do that." I smile softly, rocking back and forth with the pregnant girl. She pulls back, giving me a weak, teary-eyed smile.

"You'll ruin your make-up, sweetie." I say, thumbing away her tears.

"I'm so sorry." Misa whispers. "For everything."

"I'm sorry, too." I respond.

"Misa-chan, maybe you should come lay down." Matsuda says. "You've been bouncing off the walls ever since we told you Aikurushii-chan was alive, and you were depressed before that because you thought she was dead. You should take it easy; you're pregnant, after all."

She felt that for me? I look at Misa, taking a moment to study her eyes. She smiles at me, very sincerely.

"Matsuda-kun has the right idea." I tell her with a soft smile of my own. "Go on. You need it."

"Please, call me Touta." Matsuda smiles. "Honestly, we've all been through so much together; you deserve it. And don't give me any lip about how you use aliases; it's for your safety."

"Not anymore, it isn't."

I was wondering where Near was. Mello glares at him, grabbing my hand and giving it a quick squeeze. The white-haired boy is sitting in the corner, playing with a toy robot.

"There's no more need for you to use any aliases. So, tell us your name, please."

"I prefer to use my middle name, Ellen." I say softly. "Norio-chan, you still don't respect me. You haven't since that night."

"You should have done something." Near shrugs. "It was that simple."

"It wasn't simple, Norio." Mello growls. Everyone is silent after that phrase. I look around and I know that they've told Misa what happened. She deserves it, after all - that was her boyfriend who did it. But none of us want to say it out loud. I'm perfectly alright with that, but not with Near hating me like this.

I approach slowly, kneeling down to his level. Near stares up at me for a moment, then goes back to his robots.

"I hurt you, didn't I?"

No reply.

"You thought I was your big sister. Then I lost all of my backbone. That's why you're angry, isn't it?"

No reply.

"I was angry with myself, too. That's why I kept hiding. I couldn't believe I didn't stop him. I know I should have, but I let all the broken pieces of my mind take over. That part of me always craves confirmation, affection, proof of my own value. I let myself be weak at the wrong time. And you lost faith in me because of it."

No reply.

"I'm sorry you had to see me like that."

Near's big, black eyes flicker up to meet my own briefly. He looks back to his toy almost immediately, but I saw it.