Deep down inside my heart (A Jesy Nelson story) *slow updates*

Chapter 4: Moving

(Jesy)

I woke up feeling legs tangled in mine. I looked to my side to see Perrie sleeping softly besides me; I smiled sadly. Last night was brilliant-but a bad idea. I mean-I love Perrie but this is bad for her.

This was also had for her image as well, we were still together-management wants us to break up for her reputation; I don't know if she's decided but I kind of have to agree with them-I didn't want to affect her, I only wanted what was best for her.

I sighed, of course this would just happen and jack up my life-my amazing life had just turned upside down into a messed up one-oh how I was disliking this turn of events.

I looked down at our fingers tangled together resting over our naked bodies, it didn't feel right anymore, all the love I thought I had for Perrie was gone-it was just different, like how I felt for Leigh-Anne. I mean, Leigh was undeniably attractive-but I just wasn't drawn to her.

I don't think I'll be able to live here without the cameras following me. I mean they're already sending me to America. I think it's for the best-hopefully Perrie will also be able to forget about me and start a new life-one without people pressuring her about me, or pestering her for information that was private. The pain in my heart ached again, but it was for the best.

I felt an arm around my waist begin to stir and looked down at her as her eyes fluttered open, revealing her lovely crystal blue orbs. She turned her sleepy gaze to me.

"Morning." She yawned pecking my lips.

"Morning." I answered feeling guilty. She immediately saw through me. "Jes, what's wrong babe?" She asked. I bit my lip in hesitation. "Erm." "C'mon, you can trust me." She coaxed, I pulled her close and buried my face into her neck feeling weak. "Babe, please tell me." She begged kissing my forehead. "You're going to hate me." I shook my head and she waited looking at me; I sighed.

"It just doesn't feel right anymore pez." I felt so guilty when the words left me. "What do you mean?" She raised her head off of my bare chest trying to make sense of my words. "I can't be with you anymore Perrie, I'm bad for you." I said seeing her face furrow in thought. "Why? Am I not good enough for you?" She asked feeling hurt and removing her arms from me. "No it's not that! I just want what's best for you." I quickly told her while she pulled on her clothes. "How is this good for me? I don't get it-I already fucking love you." She pulled her jumper over her head.

"I'm sorry, Perrie, please love." I said pulling on my sweats. "Don't call me that." She muttered. "Perrie-" "What else is there to hear! Perrie I don't care-you're not good enough for me and I'm done." She mocked chucking my shirt in my face and walked out of the room but I could see the tears escape her eyes.

"Perrie that's not what I said!" I followed her in my sweats pulling on my shirt. "That's basically what you said." She sighed walking out onto the balcony. "I do love you, I just can't love you the way you want me to." I took her hands.

"Then why are you still here? You're not fighting for us anymore, last night clearly meant nothing to you." She tried to pull away but I didn't let her go.

"Last night did mean everything to me, but we can't do this anymore-I'm doing this to protect you." I said pleading for her to hear me. "No you're not. You're being selfish." She said looking down but I saw the tears falling out of her eyes. "I'm not being selfish, look sweetie-please understand that you are still going to be my everything-but this is for your own good." I tilted her chin up to look at me. Through her tears she finally nodded, a sob escaping her mouth. I felt my own tears start to fall-if only this wouldn't have ever happened. "I love you so much, I'm so sorry Jesy!" She cried into my shoulder. "I know hon, I love you too-believe me-no matter what-you're always going to be my first love." I said pulling away from her to see her eyes. Then she leant in and kissed me. I kissed her back with as much love I could muster into the kiss, giving it all to Perrie. She pulled away and touched my stitches kissing them each. "Goodbye Jesy." She sniffed through her tears. "Bye Perrie." I pulled on my jumper and left her flat walking out of the lobby and into my car. I drove to a quiet lake nearby and cried and cried and cried, letting my emotions stream out of my body. I never asked for any of this.