You Can't Stop Love (BOOK1)

Chapter 30 - Save us ✔

3 weeks later

Christmas was the worst this year. I stayed in bed, away from my family and had to deal with my messed up mind. I could feel myself slowly turning depressed and I didn't even know why.

Every night I had images of Ethan with another girl. Loving her like he loved me. Calling her beautiful names and telling her amazing compliments.

I once screamed. Screamed by how I could not stop the images. I was hitting myself regularly every day. The bruises on my knees are still not healing properly. My knee's hurt when I walk and my hand has been bandaged up tightly for 2 weeks.

I have thought about cutting. But I cant bring myself to.

I'm scared to.

~×~

Finally after the worst holidays ever, I'm back at school. And our school is so fucking stupid that they made us start on a Friday.

And my mom forced me to go!

I limped my way to school and now that I think about it, I wish I told my mom that my knees are in pain so we could go and get them checked. Last I looked at them, they were purple and black.

Trying to make my way to school faster, I caught the scent of cigarettes and shut my eyes and took in the sweet yet killing scent.

I slipped off my backpack from my shoulder and unzipped my bag and took out my new packet. Placing one between my lips, I lit it up with my lighter and walked even slower.

After 20 minutes, I already knew that homeroom finished and History had just started. Finally walking into the gates of hell, I made my way even faster to see Ethan.

From his messages that night, we didn't talk after that. I was stalking his Facebook regularly and sometimes messaged Zara. She had told me that he was distancing himself away from his family aswell.

I opened the door and didn't stare at anyone. Closing the door, I kept my hand on the doorhandle and squeezed my eyes shut.

You can do this. You can do this. I kept on repeating in my head as I turned around and walked to my seat that Zoey and Shanaia had saved for me.

"As I was saying, I hope all of you had wonderful holidays. And now that we're back we can start focusing for the finals in April," Ethan said to the whole class but I kept my head low.

I stayed unwrapping my bandage and wrapping it again because I was so bored. I could feel someone's eyes on my and looked at the whole class.

Half of the class were staring at me.

"I know I look like absolute crap and that I look like I've been on drugs, but please turn that head of yours around and stop staring at me," I yelled and I saw Ethan in the cornor of my eye jump.

I haven't heard my voice in well, awhile.

Ethan turned around and I finally brought myself to stare at him. He had dark bags under his eyes. Mine are darker.

He looked clean while I look like I've just been living in my bed for the past 3 weeks.

Well that's what you've been doing Jen.

When I stare into Ethan's eyes, my broken pieces don't feel like their healing. They are way to broken to even heal themselves. It feels like he crushed them, along with my heart, feelings and soul.

I looked away from his deadly eyes and felt a sudden sickly feeling form in my stomach. The walls, they felt like they were closing in on me. My throat, I couldn't breath. I started to cough really loudly, making everyone stare at me.