Finding Harley: Renegades MC Story

Chapter 26

"So are you going to actually speak to me or just pace back and forth?"

God I really hated how this man made me feel.   Could you actually love and hate someone at the same time?  If so I guess that was where I found myself as I watched Axel's muscles flex under his tight black t-shirt.   Did the man really have to be this sexy?   Focus Harley, you are mad remember?

"Who is this woman to you?" He finally muttered as his body stopped right in front of mine.   If I didn't know any better he almost sounded jealous but that couldn't be right. Men like Axel didn't get jealous.

"I met Nix when my car broke down on the side of the road. She helped me out and we hit it off from there.   I guess you could say she is my only true friend." 

"But what is she TO you?"  Yep that definitely sounded jealous.   Well good I guess I can tell Nix her plan worked.  Doesn't feel too good does it?

"She is a close friend."

"Why is she here?"

"Because I called her?"

"Dammit Harley stop with the curt answers!   I have an unknown staying in my compound that could be a threat but I don't know because you won't say a goddamn thing."   Pissed he dragged his hands through his hair making him appear even sexier.  That is just not fair, even when I am mad at him my body still melts being in his presence. 

"Look Axel, Nix is not a threat, at least not to this MC.  She is here to help me so that I can move on with my life.   She is ex-military and let's just say she works in the grey area of the law.   You can trust her.  The sooner Hunter is dead the better for everyone.   She can make that happen.  I know you don't like this but I am done waiting around for him to show up! I should have handled this years ago."

Couldn't they see what it was doing to me to know that Hunter was coming for me?   Having that part of my life resurfacing.   I wanted all this bullshit to end so I could...could what?  Run again?   Once he was dead, I was free – so my running days were over. Jesus that was a nice thought, but where would I go?   All I have known was running and surviving.   I could stay here...no, maybe I could hang with Nix for a while?   Hell it didn't matter what I did, I could decide later.   

I could feel Axel's gaze on me, it was like he was trying to figure something out but couldn't.

"You have changed. Your - different."   He whispered so softly that I almost didn't catch it.

"Damn right I am different! My life has been one big fuck up after another.   I settle here hoping that I can find some peace for once, then I meet you and the Renegades. Seeing you... It was impossible not to be effected by that. Which was a really dick move by the way. I tried to move on but you wouldn't let me. Then I have my past coming back to haunt me. I have never killed a man before and I thought I would feel horrible but instead I just felt...nothing, like I was already dead inside. And that royally sucked!

Seconds later I find out that the piece of shit that raised me was if fact NOT blood related, only to learn that the man I once wished was my father actually is. And if that wasn't enough - you go and make matters worse when you then make this asinine claim on me in front of your club only to turn around and shove your dick down some whore's throat. Christ! Do you realize what it took for me to trust you the way I did?  To let you see me – all of me?   What you did hurt worse than anything Hunter ever did to me.   You broke my heart – the only thing Hunter didn't break in me."

Exhausted I slumped against the table, my head hanging low. "I am done Axel – I am so done. I need to take control back so I called Nix and here she is.   With her help Hunter will be dead by the end of the week and I can move on with my life and put all this hurt behind me.   I can finally find the peace I deserve.  Why can't you see that?   After everything you learned about me, don't you think I at least deserve that?"

My rant left me drained.  I didn't know what else to say to the man I loved, the man who took my trust and crushed it.   My heart ached just looking at him, begging me to forgive him but I couldn't or wouldn't, I wasn't sure.   Not now.   Now is the time for me to grow up and fight for what I want and right now my heart can wait.   My freedom from my past was more important.  

"I am so sorry Harley.   I wish I could give you some explanation but there is none.   I was frustrated and didn't want to take my anger out on you. I started drinking, then my blowout with Snake, she was there...its no excuse, but I was so pissed off I didn't give it a second thought on how it would effect you."

"That's the thing Axel...I don't want to be anyone's second thought.   I want to be their first.   You can't give me that, but I hope one day you grow the fuck up and realize what you just threw away."

Tears that I didn't know were falling, dripped down my cheeks.   My chest hurt as I stared at the only man I have ever loved and realized that he could never love me back, that was what hurt the worse. I grew up in the biker world so it shouldn't have come as a shock to me that Axel could ever be faithful, but that was the only item I wouldn't bend on, and he knew it.  

I needed to let him go.   It wasn't fair for me to cling to him when he couldn't give me what I needed.  

Sighing I stood up and moved to head into the motorhome.   As I passed him his hand shot out and lightly gripped my arm.  Looking up I could see the pain etched in his face and my heart broke a little bit more.   Regret shone brightly in his eyes but it was too late, hopefully he has finally learned from his mistakes.

"You need to let me go Axel.   We were never meant to be and I accept that – now you do too."

Pulling my arm from his grip I headed inside.  

Mac and Nix immediately stopped arguing.   Before Nix could get up I shook my head.  

"It's over.   Now I want that bastard dead."

Not saying another word I headed to the bedroom.  Laying there I started making wishes that may not ever come true.

I wished my life could be simpler.   

I wished the nightmares would end and I could dream again.

I wished I could find peace and move on.

I wished that Mac never gets hurt again, especially because of me.

I wished for someone to love me, respect me and put me first.

I wished for a family and happiness.

And before my eyes closed and darkness took over...I wished for Axel to find love.