Finding Harley: Renegades MC Story

Chapter 40

The bar was crowded and the music was blaring just loud enough to drown out any thoughts that might be tempted to flutter through my mind.   My fingers mindlessly played with the label on the beer bottle as I watched Bambi shake her hips to the beat of the music.   Man that girl could move, plus she had a hell of a body, even as a fellow woman I could appreciate her soft subtle curves.

As she flipped upside down on the pole my neck tipped back draining the last of the chilled liquid.   Cringing, I motioned for another as Bambi swirled around the brass metal before landing in a seductive split.   Fuck that looked like it hurt. 

I weakly smiled at the new bartender as she slid another cold one in front of me.   A part of me was a little ticked that Mac replaced me so quickly but I guess with all the shit that went down the last few weeks he really didn't have a choice.   The bar was a business and a bartender was a vital part of that business.  

With me out dealing with all my personal shit, he was left short staffed, not to mention all the time he kept taking off to be by my side.   I couldn't really fault the guy.  

But did the bitch have to be so pretty?

The music switched over as Bambi flaunted off the stage, picking up her tips as she went.  I envied her confidence, especially in her body.   I would give anything to have that much self-assurance.  

Next up was Layla, gyrating to Beyoncé as she worked the stage, leaving men drooling in her wake.   I can see why some woman pick this line of work, it was a hell of an ego boost, in a twisted sort of way.   Hell I would be flustered to have this many men cheering for me as I strutted my stuff.  

I guess I never really paid much attention before since I was always on the other side of the bar, concentrating on working instead of watching the shows, but now as I do, I have to say each woman was captivating to watch.  

Their confidence was alluring and sexy as hell.   The way they took pride in their routines and fed from the energy of the crowd.   A part of me wished I had the guts to get up there and perform.   To willingly put myself center stage for the world to see...

And then reality set in and it wasn't just my lack of skinny thighs and a toned stomach that kept me from jumping up there...it was what I hid under my clothes, something that I would never avoid no matter how far I ran.   My scars were the one constant reminder that I could never escape. 

Chugging my almost full bottle, I nodded one more time to bartender Barbie.   With a smile she immediately set a fresh one in front of me.   Efficient little bitch wasn't she?

Disgruntled, I watched my replacement flitter around the bar.   Before my hand could reach my next drink, it was snatched up from a long muscular arm that reached over my shoulder.

"Hey what the fuck..."

Pushing up from the stool I turned ready to fight...Mac.

Shit.  Of course of all the people to find me, it would be him.   Then again this was his bar so I guess he had a reason for showing up.

"You do know that you are still recovering and alcohol and concussions do not mix.   Fuck Harley, I thought you were smarter than that.   Chrissy get me some water please, she is cut off."

Bartender Barbie happily listened as a glass of water was thrust into my hand.

"Drink this water and tell me why the hell you are in my bar.   Do you know how worried everyone was?  Disappearing from the compound without letting anyone know.   Hell after Axel dealt with the...issue, he tore the place apart looking for you."

Hearing Axel's reaction to my Houdini act made my lips curve up briefly before I scolded myself for caring.    He doesn't matter to us anymore.   We are turning over a new leaf, one that doesn't include sexy bikers.

"How did you find me?  I figured you wouldn't show up here tonight."

"Nix.   Tracked her bike."   Of course she did.   I was in such a rush to vacate the premises that I didn't think of what I was doing.    Once outside the clubhouse I had this undeniable urge to run.   Nix's bike sat glistening in the sunset and before I knew it, I was speeding down the highway with the wind in my face. 

Unknowingly the bike steered its way here and when I parked I figured this was as good place as any to regroup.   But I had a feeling no amount of beer or pretzels would fix the large hole that took up the center of my heart.  

"We all thought you took off..."

"Mac I am not staying."  My comment wasn't what he wanted to hear as he took the seat next to me, draining my beer.

"Why not?   You have a job here, although according to Nix you are richer than Midas so I guess that doesn't matter.   You have friends here.  You have me and...Axel."

"That's why I need to leave.   I lived the biker life Mac and I want something different.   I don't want to have to worry if the man I am with is screwing around on me."

"That's not fair Harley.  Other men screw around, not just bikers.   What Axel did was fucked up, but the man is devastated.  He knows what he did was wrong and stupid.  Give him a chance to grow up some."

"Mac we have had this conversation before.   I won't deny my feelings for him, but I won't listen to them either.   After everything I have experienced I deserve more.   I want to be happy, you know I don't remember a time when I can say I was truly happy.   That's not only sad but pathetic Mac.   He can't make me happy."

"Yes he can, if you just give him another chance.  Nix agrees with me."

"Fuck you don't get it do you.  That image is forever burned in my mind.   He promised me that he wouldn't hurt me, but he did.   He convinced me to give him as shot after he paraded his tramps in front of me.   And I did.  He got me to open up to him more than I ever have.   He made me feel beautiful and alive and...wanted.  And then he crushed all of that for ten minutes of pleasure.   Pleasure that I was offering him.  The man I want by my side is better than that.  I deserve better than that."

"You are right, right about everything.   But I see a fire in Axel when he is around you that I have never seen before.   I think if you leave, it will destroy him."

"But staying might destroy me."

Mac nodded as he reached over and joined my hand with his. 

"I need time Mac...time alone to sort all this shit in my head out.  I need to find out what life is like when death isn't hunting you."

Mac nodded and squeezed my hand.  "Promise me you will call me.  I love you kid and I want you to be happy.   I think eventually Axel could make you happy.   But I understand.  Just don't cut me out completely."

Agreeing I squeezed his hand back as I leaned my head on his shoulder.   "It will get easier kiddo.  Remember you always have a home here with us."

"You will take care of him when I leave right?"

"Yeah, I will watch out for him.   It won't be pretty but I will."

"I know at times I put you between your loyalty to me and your club and I am sorry for that, so thanks Mac, for everything."

Placing a gentle kiss on my forehead, I cherished this moment with Mac.   Other than Axel, I was going to miss Mac like crazy.   But he was right, over the months we have come to mean something to each other and I wouldn't let that go.  I would be a fool to.  So once I settled, regrouped and began to heal...I would contact him from time to time to let him know how I was doing. 

Sitting at the bar sipping water, Mac and I talked about non-relevant topics. He didn't pressure me anymore to stay. We just enjoyed the time we had left together. Eventually we left the bar and he followed me back to the compound...for the last time.