Finding Harley: Renegades MC Story

Chapter 41

Grabbing the duffle bag I started shoving in my clothes that had made their way to Nix's motorhome.   Luckily most of my stuff was still packed up in my car from when the boys moved me a few weeks ago.   Hell that day felt like a lifetime ago.

Today the world looked a little brighter.   After talking with Mac all night I felt like I was making the right decision.   I needed time to figure things out.  

At lunch Nix offered me to come back with her and I would eventually but for the time being I just needed to be alone.   I needed time to process all the shit that went down recently as well as finding a way to move on with my life and what that exactly looked like.

I was relieved when Nix confirmed that Cricket and Mary departed the compound and according to the GPS tracker she put on their truck, they were already the next state over.   I don't know why but I felt a little lighter knowing that they were out of my life.  

Knowing myself, I knew in time I would forgive Cricket, but for now the betrayal was still too fresh and ran too deep.   I understood his need to protect his family, it was just him excluding me in that equation that hurt.   One day my anger and hurt would dissipate and the love that I once had for him would have the air to breathe again, but that time was not now.  

It would take be years to get over it, but I knew one day I would do just that.

Most of my life I lived without a family, so having that spot vacant once again wasn't that essential to my everyday life.  Mac suggested that I focus on all the good memories I had with Cricket and let those fill my mind and heart.  He believed that Cricket fucked up, but his intensions were honest and driven by fear. 

So that was what I was going to do.   Focus on the good.   Remember that I once had some happy times growing up and leave it at that.   I could put the nightmare behind me.   Find my own happiness.   That was once I gave my heart time to heal.  

I may speak a good game, but the pain was intense and it pulsated in my chest every minute of every hour.  I prayed that with time breathing became easier and the constant ache subsided.   But until that day came I planned to keep on living.

"You almost done?" Nix asked from the doorway.  I was so lost in thought I never heard her coming in. 

"Yeah, I didn't have much in here so it didn't take too long.  Unfortunately I didn't realize it got so late, so I am trying to hurry."

"I hate that you are leaving.   Not here, I mean me.   Are you sure you don't want to come with me?"  

"I will find you eventually and I know you are only a call away, but I need time.   I need to sort me out."

"I get it.   You know how to find me and don't think I won't find you if you leave me in the dark."

Laughing I shoved the last shirt in and zipped the bag.   "I wouldn't expect anything less."

"You have three months to get your shit together before I track your ass down."  A tiny tear eased down my cheek as she circled me with her arms.   I leaned in to absorb her warmth and strength. 

"I love you so much.  And not just in the sexual kind of way.  You are my family Harley.  I will always be here for you, even if you won't put out."

Smacking her stomach, she released me laughing and grabbed my bag.   Sometimes I wished I could return the type of love she had for me, but it just wasn't in the cards.   To Nix, love paid no attention to sexual orientation or race.   Her open acceptance was one of the things l loved about her.

"Oh um, I should warn you.  The brothers are throwing us a BBQ in an hour, a goodbye party of sorts.   I had no part in this so don't stab me.   Mac was the ring leader.  Suck it up and smile.   To these men, you mean something and you are just going to have to accept that." 

Speechless I watched through the window as she loaded my stuff into the back of my jeep.   One of the prospects gassed and washed it for me before parking it next to the motorhome this morning.  Out of the other window I watched as men and woman skirted around setting up tables and chairs.  

How I missed all the activity going on outside was mind boggling, I was usually so focused on what was going on in my surroundings. It just goes to show you how scatter-brained I have been. Stepping outside my eyes surveyed the area.  From the amount of tables and food being set up it looked like everyone was coming to see me and Nix off. 

A few hours later the BBQ was in full swing.   The music played, drinks were poured and food consumed.   Everyone was having a great time, including me. Hell even the sweet butts were behaving and so far no fights had broken out.

It touched my heart to hear each brother wish me luck or beg me to stay.     It never dawned on me is such a short amount of time that I did consider these men friends.   Good friends.   With each hug or kiss on the cheek, my resolve weakened just a tiny bit more.  

After a while Mac finally made his way over to me to hand me a plate. 

"Thanks Mac but I already ate."

"It's not for you.   Go talk to him.   He hasn't left his office."

Axel.  

I noticed several times when I looked around that Axel seemed to be absent but I just figured he was lost amongst the crowd.   It never dawned on me that he wasn't even here.

Taking the plate, I leaned up to give Mac a kiss on the cheek.

Before I lost the nerve, I headed inside for my final goodbye.