Finding Harley: Renegades MC Story

Chapter 38

"Oh for fucks sake stop mothering me Nix before I stab you.  For the last time I am FINE!   Tiny headache nothing more.   Christ I never seen this side of you and to be honest it is freaking me out.  Go spy or hack someone's account."

Frustrated I stormed out of the motorhome for some fresh air.  I know my friend meant well but the constant attention and hovering was just not something I was used to.  

Especially from Nix.   

Since I woke up two days ago, the woman has been constantly at my side.   Getting me water, ice, Tylenol – anything I needed.  Hell she even fluffed my pillows at one point. 

The only time she stopped fussing was when I finally was coherent enough to demand an explanation since it seemed I blacked out when chaos erupted.  

"Cricket is fine, other than the nasty wound you left in his shoulder, he and his family are recovering in the Renegades basement.  Axel figured you would want to deal with him."

"Hunter?"

"Dead.   Cricket had the pleasure of ending that bastard's life.   Retribution for torturing his family I guess."

"Brothers?"

"Ours...all good, nothing major.  The SOD's, all dead.   My contacts showed up early and fucked our surprise that was why we were delayed.  Shit hit the fan real quick and it took us a bit longer to take everyone down.   Then I had to stop the overzealous newbies from killing any of the Renegades.   Was one big clusterfuck.   Trust me my lead contact got an earful on their fuck up.   Site has been cleaned up, threat eliminated."

Well most of the threat anyway.   Cricket still had to be dealt with.  And honestly I was in no hurry.  How do you kill your own father?   Hell that was why I didn't aim for his neck.  Even as angry as I was I still couldn't do it.  

But time was wasting and I needed this nightmare to finally be over.   I wanted to move on with my life, whatever the hell that meant. 

Taking a deep breathe, I cleared my mind as I allowed the sun to ease the tension that seemed to be ever existent in my body.  My head was down to a slight throb, after two days of the marching band that paraded around in there, this was nothing.   Other than the nasty concussion, ten stitches on my temple and a couple bruises, I was fine.   Considering things could have ended differently. 

Bottom line was, I was just tired.   Emotionally.  Physically.  Mentally.  

As I laid in bed recovering, I tried to sort out the events of my life recently but that only seemed to make my headache grow.  The mess of what I call my life was still that...a mess. 

I longed for a time when my life could be normal.  Hell that was a funny notion.   What the hell was normal, something I never experienced that was for sure.   Not even was I little could I claim that my life was normal.  Growing up in a corrupt MC was not what I call normal.  

For years I lived on the run, hiding in order to survive. Always looking over my shoulder, leaving at a moment's notice when I got spooked.   Never really having a chance to build a life.    But that is all changed now.  Now I finally had the time.

Hunter was dead and I was finally free. 

Free. 

I was free.  

That concept still hasn't sunk in yet.   It is hard to accept that something I had wished for, for so many years was finally reality.   And it scared me.   

Hell if I was being honest with myself I was downright petrified.   How does one change their state of being?  For years I operated solely for the purposes of surviving.   And now...what do I do?

I was in a tailspin and I couldn't stop it.

Christ all this thinking is just making my head hurt even more.   But it needed to be figured out.  

"How you hanging in there darling?"

Turning slightly I noticed Mac leaning against the picnic table I was sitting on.  I was so deep in thought I never even noticed him approaching.   Just goes to prove how tired I really was.  

"Good Mac.   Head is better.  Stitches itch but other than that I am good.   Nothing a bit more rest won't fix."

"I wasn't talking about your injuries."  Of course he wasn't.  Mac cared.   As much as I wanted to be mad a him I couldn't.   There was just that something about him that drew me to him.  

"Yeah well that's the only answer I have for you right now."

"Have you thought about what you are going to do now?"  Shrugging my shoulders I didn't reply because frankly I didn't have an answer.

"You could always stay here you know."

"I can't do that Mac."  Here wasn't even an option.   Axel was here and I knew my future...well he wasn't my future, not now.

"Harley have you talked to him?   Gotten his side of things?   I know it doesn't excuse his actions but still it might help with getting closure or some shit like that."

I glanced up at Mac.   "I think I got my closure when she swallowed."

Letting my head drop, I couldn't stop the tears even if I tried.  "I hurt Mac.   I thought I meant something to him.   And I don't.  Do you know he is the only man I kissed on my own free will?   I gave him something and he threw it away.   There is no coming back from that."

Mac's large arms circled my shoulder as he tucked my face into his chest.   The smell of soap tickled my nose as I buried it deeper, finally releasing the tears that I still had locked inside.  

"I am so sorry darling.   Axel is a good man, but he needs to grow the fuck up and figure out what he wants.   There is a difference between being a man and a leader, I hope he knows that now.    I know he regrets his actions, but he needs to be man enough to understand why.   If you give him sometime..."

"I can't wait for a man to figure things out.   I have waited long enough.   I need a man to love me completely, be his everything.   I deserve it all Mac, not this half assed attempt from him.  I want love, trust, respect, honesty, fidelity.    Dammit Mac, after the shit I have lived through I should at least get that and not have to compromise.  I shouldn't have to."

"No you shouldn't have to...but you want to."   He whispered as he kiss my head.  

And he was right.  

I wanted to but I couldn't.