Finding Harley: Renegades MC Story

Chapter 42

Spying through the crack in the door, I silently watched as Axel unsuccessfully focused on the paperwork in front of him.   Frustrated he tossed the papers aside before running his hands through his thick hair.   God how I loved his hair.

Gripping the plate tighter I gave myself a little pep talk before confronting the man I dreamed about nightly.   I needed to remain strong and remember the pain I felt watching his infidelity in this very office.   Focus on that and not the way his dimple appears when he smiles or the way his eyes soften when they meet mine.

Dammit Harley, focus on the whore sucking him off.   Not the way his lips felt on your nipples, his fingers on your skin.  

Irritated, I banged my head on the door trying to knock out all the dirty thoughts I seemed to have whenever I found myself alone with this man.   That was the main reason I have been avoiding him like the plague.  Him and me alone was not a good thing for my over active imagination.  

"Harley?  What are you doing here?"  He asked as the door swung open.  Caught like a deer in the headlights, I flashed him a small smile before I pushed the plate into his hands.

"Mac said you didn't eat so here."  Chickening out, I turned in a panic, hoping for a quick get-a-way.

"Wait!  Please Harley.  Can you come in for a few minutes?"   I could hear the desperation in his voice and when I turned back to him I could see it in his eyes. 

It was the look on his face that had my resolve crumbling.   Before I could think about it, the door was closing behind us.   Axel set his plate down on his desk has he leaned against the front of it.   His position reminded me once again of why men sucked.  Or I guess I should say woman suck...well suck him...

Dammit!

"Um could you not sit there?"   I rushed out as I paced behind his guest chairs.   After a few seconds it dawned on him why and he came around and sat on the couch under the window. I was nervous and this man seemed to have the ability to throw my common sense right out the window. I hated that he had that effect on me.

"You will never forgive me will you?" He quietly asked.

"Eventually I will."  A small smile formed on his face with a glimmer of hope.

"But I will never forget."  And just like that the smile and hope was gone. 

"Look Axel, I don't mean to be a bitch about this, but there are consequences for certain actions.   You knew where I stood on being unfaithful, you agreed.  It was the one thing I wouldn't bend on, but you couldn't keep it in your pants."

"I know Harley.  I know I fucked up.   But hell I am only human.  And I was beyond sexually frustrated.   I thought I could handle going at your pace, but when Snake showed up in my office that day, I was already on the edge.  

Hell that morning it took everything in me to leave you so I didn't do something you weren't ready for.   Then he started in on me on how I was being led around by my dick.  How you were weakening me.   I shouldn't have listened but the fucker pissed me off, challenging my leadership.  

When the naked whore dropped to her knees he dared me to prove my loyalty to him and this club.   And I fell for it.   I have never regretted something in my life as much as I do that moment.   Hell I had to think about you just to get hard.  When my eyes landed on you standing in the doorway, in some twisted way, it triggered my release, thinking it was you giving me that pleasure.  

Know this...not a day has gone by that I don't feel shame for my actions.   I hurt the one woman in my life I have ever had feelings for.   The one woman I could see a future with, but I kept fucking it up.   I have no excuses.   My actions are my own and I need to be man enough to admit that. 

I am just so, fucking sorry that my actions caused you an ounce of heartache.   If I could change anything it would be that.   Because you deserve so much better than a man like me.  Please I just ask that you stop hating me, just give me that much.  I can't bare you leaving, knowing that you hate me.   Please don't hate me Harley."

I never thought I would see the day that a man like Axel would be on practically on his knees begging me.  Not for forgiveness because he knows he hasn't earned it yet, but for me to just not hate him.   My heart broke as I watch as the man that held a large chunk of it, break down and beg.

"I don't hate you Axel...I can't...not when you have my heart."  I finally admitted. I couldn't keep lying to myself. I loved this man, even though he broke my trust, I still loved him. And that was a hard thing to admit. You can't help who you loved, it doesn't work that way.

In fact it took seeing him completely devastated for me to finally accept my feelings for him. Up until now I refused what my heart ached for. Him.

Stunned, Axel froze as my words sunk in.  Instantly his body sprang into action.  His arms wrapping around me was he lifted me to his height.   My legs instinctively circled his waist as his lips crashed into mine.  

All thought disappeared as I returned his kiss, opening up to him, allowing him to devour me, taste me.   His hands gripped my ass tightly as he carried me.   It wasn't until my back his the softness of the bed that I realized that we were in his room.

The man consumed me to the point that everything else around ceased to exist.  

"How did..." 

"Back stairs.  No one saw us."  He answered before his lips detoured down my neck to the open v of my t-shirt.   Before I could register a thought, Axel leaned back and pulled my shirt over my head only to return to my now exposed flesh.  

"Fuck I missed your taste Harley.   A man can drown in your flavor." 

My body tried to process all the sensations Axel was offering, but eventually I gave up trying to keep up with him.   In hindsight I knew this wasn't the smartest thing to do, but the heart and mind don't always agree. I was tired of fighting between the two. Tomorrow I would listen to my brain.

Tonight I would listen to my heart...