11. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
12. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
13. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
14. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
15. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
16. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
17. My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
18. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
19. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
20. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't
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Funny or Die
RandomThe point of this is to make you smile. All I want is a smile on your face princess ^_^ and if it's a guy reading this well..... I just made it awkward (•_•)
