31. Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
32. A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
33. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
34. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
35. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
36. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
37. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
38. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
39. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"
40. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
YOU ARE READING
Funny or Die
RandomThe point of this is to make you smile. All I want is a smile on your face princess ^_^ and if it's a guy reading this well..... I just made it awkward (•_•)
