The Reason Why (Harmione)

Chapter 3

Hermione's worried seemed to slowly melt away as she sat in the compartment with her friends. She wasn't alone with Harry and Ron like she worried she would be. Harry, Ron, Ginny, Neville, and Luna all filled the compartment. Harry told them that Teddy had just said his first words. This started a long conversation that included all six of them. Besides that, Hermione talked to Ron as little as she could without being rude. And nobody asked about her and Ron. Not even Luna, who was normally so transparent.

Luna and Neville were her main source of conversation. One of them always had something to say, which was great because Hermione had very little.

Hermione was listening to Neville go on about all the things he was looking forward to learning in Herbology now that they could have a proper education again when she felt the train slow down. She looked out the window and could see Hogwarts looking absolutely beautiful, a great improvement since the last time she saw it. Everyone gathered around the window to get a good look before changing into their school robes.

For the first time in a long time, Hermione was enjoying herself. She knew deep down that it was temporary, that she was only momentarily distracted and soon enough she'd be back on the emotional roller coaster. But she pushed the knowledge down deeper and savored the moment of relief, burying it in her fascination with the new Hogwarts.

It was like walking in for the first time all over again, but better. It was familiar and comforting and completely new at the same time. It was definitely bigger. Every student was redoing previous year, and new kids kept coming, so the First Year class was huge.

All six of them took seats together in the Great Hall. Professor McGonagall, now the Head Mistress, gave a speech, welcoming them all back and promising them a better education. Before Hermione began the best meal she'd eaten in over a year, the Head Mistress have one final announcement; students no longer shared dormitories. Each person would have their own room. Hermione was delighted by this. She had hated sharing a room with four other girls. It would be great to finally have some privacy.

The meal drew to an end and Hermione headed up to her room (enchanted so that it only opened to her wand) tired and happy and ready for the year to begin.

                        ~ooo~

Just as she knew it would, Hermione's happiness soon faded. She slept fitfully for a few hours. Now she lied awake in bed, trying hard to forget the dream she kept having. Or memory, more like.

All of her arguments with Ron replayed themselves in her dreams at night. Especially that last one.

Thinking of it always lead to thoughts of Harry. She had thought for a while that he had feelings for her, so she had started to show more affection toward him, hoping that he would see that she liked him.

But after a while, he still hadn't understood. She began to worry that she had misunderstood him, so she tried to make it look like all of it was just friendly. For once in her life, she wasn't happy to succeed.

Hermione knew for sure that she was wrong about his feelings for her when she noticed the way he looked at Ginny in sixth year. She decided then to get over Harry. She began to notice other guys, especially Ron. So she became jealous when he started going out with Lavender. But after they broke up, it became clear that he felt the same way. She decided that she would move on and bury her feelings for Harry once and for all.

But if anything, it had only brought the feelings back. During the best part of the relationship, she wished it was happening with Harry. During the worst part, she kept thinking that Harry would never do this to her. And when she had these dreams, she knew he would comfort her if he were here. But he never was. And when she thought this, the same thought always followed: I should have told him. Then she'd drift off again, wondering what would have happened if she had.

Hermione fell asleep again wishing that she didn't have her own room, despite how badly she had wanted it. Maybe if she could hear someone else breathing or stirring in their sleep, she wouldn't feel quite so lonely.