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Chapter Nine - Dinner

The twins and I enter a big room with a massive table in the centre, but what steals my attention are the walls. There are photos all over. Literally everywhere I look there are more happy smiling faces and I don't want to see them. We have no photos in our house anymore. One morning back in New York I remember waking up and we had no photos left, they were simply gone. Here its no different, like my mother wants to erase every piece of them from our lives.

The boys are bringing in plates filled with food, placing them in front of each seat. I would offer to help but it looks like the works all done, table set.

Deacon walks in with a woman with blond curls stacked up on her head, loose stands framing her face, adding to her already kind over all appearance. She's wearing an apron, powder dotted around it. She's not too thin but in no way over weight and is smiling softly as she listens to Deacon. Everything about her screams motherly.

Again I'm struck with the urge to run away. I don't know if seeing this woman is worse than the twins or not. My sister is lost forever but my mother still lives and breathes.

I'm still staring at her and realise she's looking at me too now.

"Hello dear, the boys have been chatting away about you. I'm Michelle, and I'm so glad you're joining us for dinner."

"Thanks for having me." I breathe out still shaky.

Deacons face scrunches up for a second in worry but he smooth's it out into a smile quickly, along with his. . .mum? Its not the same woman from the photo I saw in the tree house. I know he doesn't live here but he mentioned Jace being his brother, at the water fight. Maybe his mum lives with him and this lady remarried their dad? Well, they seem to get along but it's not really my business to ask.

A man walks in and I remember him from the photo, he's older now but it's definitely the same man. He grins at me, scanning each of the boys. More happy family members, more pain.

Dammit. What's happened to all my shields?

"And who is this pretty little thing?" He asks teasing the boys and me by association.

It's quiet little Luke who answers though. "She's May. She moved in next door." He takes my hand in his, beaming up at me.

The man's eyes light up seeing Luke's announcement. "Hello May. I'm Paul. It's a pleasure to meet you"

"Well, it looks like Lukey approves." He claps his hands, then rubs them together, scheming eyes darting about the boys again. I'm confused by what exactly is going on here, maybe it's just not that regular that Luke takes to people. Strange that he seems to like me though. "Lets sit down then, everyone can't let this lovely food get cold now can we. Who's sitting next to May?" He adds to the end, mischievous somehow.

"ME!" Jace, Deacon, Nate, Luke and Lucy all shout out. The man lets out a belly laugh and I stare at them all, cheeks blushing by the attention.

I end up next to Luke and Nate, with Lucy on Nate's other side, the kids both in high chairs so they are at the table but have their food close to them. Jace and Deacon are opposite us, with Paul and Michelle on the table ends.

We mainly make small talk though dinner and I avoid or change the subject when questions about back home or my family come up, as best I can, hoping it doesn't come across as too rude. I don't think I've looked anyone directly in the eye the whole meal, deliberately fussing over Luke so I don't have to speak as much.

"So how are you and your mum settling in? Any problems?" Michelle asks me, kindly.

Only everything.

"No its all been great, thanks." I lie forcing a faint smile.

"Well if either of you ever need anything don't hesitate to ask." It's said so naturally. Words burn in my mouth, wanting to spill out and tell this caring woman all my troubles. Instead I only cough.

I can't take it anymore. This family just reminds me of everything I've lost. It's all so perfect and it's agony. I can feel my defences melting but I don't want them too. I finish the rest of the meal in silence seeing the boy's heads trying to catch my attention.

I excuse myself claiming the need of a restroom. I splash my face and take deep calming chunks of air into my lungs, wishing I could just leave right now. When I've been in there as long as I think I can, I smooth back my hair and exit the room.

Nates stood leaning against the opposite wall, his eyes dart up to mine when I come out, and I cringe at the way he's looking at me. He opens and closes his mouth, trying to find the words.

"You've been quiet." He states, gently.

"I have a head ache." I mumble, grabbing at an excuse.

Worry fills his features and he reaches for my forehead, I jerk back a bit and he stops mid way.

"Sorry." The apology muttered so quietly he probably doesn't even hear it.

Determination clear he reaches out again, this time with both hands, and I stay still. His fingers push into my hair and he massages my temples and under my scalp.

It actually does help and I close my eyes, enjoying the sensation. He's rubbing small circles, stroking and pressing at all the right parts.

I let out a little moan and then snap my eyes open, embarrassed. He's standing closer now, eyes filled with tenderness but also a subtle heat, lips open slightly. We continue looking at each other but then I glance away breaking the moment.

He puts his hand on the back of my neck and walks me back to everyone else, but when I start to my chair he stops me.

"Mays not feeling too good." He tells them.

"Oh no. What's wrong sweety?" Michelle asks sympathetically.

"Just a headache, but I think she should head to bed now. I'm going to walk her back."

I see Jace and Deacon start to stand up but Pauls speaks up preventing them from following.

"I'm sure Nate can manage to get May home on his own boys." He tells them, jokey tone still within his words, but now there's something more serious mixed in.

I need to say something, so I make my self lift my head and smile guiltily.

"Sorry to leave early."

"Don't you worry at all, May. Just get some rest and we hope you feel better." Michelle tells me, no room for argument.

They all say their goodbyes, even they twins wishing be to feel better and we make our way out of the house.

My head really is hurting, pounding in fact.

Pain.

Loneliness.

Shame.

______________

OPINIONS????

I DONT REALLY FEEL THIS CHAPTER IS FINISHED SOMEHOW SO WILL COME BACK TO IT.

ITS ALL BECOMING A BIT TOO MUCH FOR MAY.

WHAT DO YOU THINK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?