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Chapter Ten - Lake

After Nate walked me to my door last night I could tell he didn't want to leave me with the way I'd been acting, but I had to have some space from them all. I still needed space.

How had I got myself into this situation? These guys were so strange, excepting me this quickly into their group, despite my habits, seeming to have zero doubts about it, and then even bringing me into their family. It wasn't normal how nice they all were.

Plus, I couldn't seem to hide from them like I could with others. Maybe it was because they honestly did want to know, unlike the majority of people who's questions and caring attitude seemed to only be out of some polite sense of duty.

I'm not sure how much sleep I'd had but at around six I was up, showered, dressed in my running gear, and out the door. Just knowing the boys were next door was making me feel anxious. I'd leaped into my mini, with out even peeking at Jace's house, and drove until I found some local spot I'd found when researching places to run. It was meant to have some big lake near by that sounded like a good reward for my work out.

As soon as I'd parked I was off. Not bothering to warm up, even knowing I would regret the decision later. I sprinted as fast as my legs would take me, music blaring, and I chased after the peaceful, numbness I yearned for.

For a while it didn't come, instead the conversation from last night's drop off flew into my mind.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come in for a bit?" Nate had asked, stood just outside my front door.

"I'm fine."

His eyes had darted around the empty parking spot, scuffing his foot on the ground. He'd looked at me, nervous, seeming unusual for the carefree guy. It had made me think of that first day when he'd carried me.

"Your mums cars not here." He voiced his thoughts. "You don't feel well."

His worry had made me swallow, attempting to bring back moisture to my dry mouth.

I pushed my body to run harder, faster.

"I'm fine." I'd repeated, adding more confidence to my voice.

He came close and leaned in. For a second I thought he was going to kiss me, but instead he pulled me into a bear hug, arms wrapped around my shoulders and waste, face pressed into my neck. 

Faster. Faster, faster, faster.

"Call me if you need me and I'll come running." He'd whispered into my hair. "Please call May."

Then he'd turned and left. I watched his back as he walked away, feeling the distance with every step. It was what I had wanted but somehow it hurt even worse than when I'd been in that house. Too many emotions, none of them making sense.

The memory faded away and so did everything else. The numbness finally coming and I kept moving. I didn't want to completely tire myself out so soon slowed going at a more regular pace.

I noted a shimmery light to the side of my track and when I came to more of an opening realised it must have been the lake. Not wanting to stop quite yet, I looped the lake twice more, but when I returned to the opening I stopped to take in the view. It was breath taking.

There was a small bench facing the water and with no one else around I claimed a seat, admiring the sight until my speeding pulse and ragged breath calmed. I pulled my legs up and wrapped my arms around them hugging myself tight. I felt vulnerable, unsure what I wanted. On the one hand I had made the choice to leave the pain behind me, on the other this meant I stopped feeling the good, along with the bad.

With my mother practically non-existent there hadn't been anyone else to give me reason to want it, yet seeing how their family was together. I had to admit I missed it. I missed that sense of belonging.

No.

I can't.

It's too much.

Too much pain.

No more.

Enough.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't let them in. I'd keep them as friends, but it had to be at a distance.

Half in denial that I was avoiding the boys at this point I decided this was a fine place to spend the day. I nipped to my car and grabbing a blanket from the boot and my bag, knowing I had stashed a book inside and hoping to find something to munch on, then headed back to my spot.

I had two snack bars and some chocolate. Pleased with my find I devoured a bar and half my chocolate within seconds, then settled into the blanket and proceeded to read. Dog walkers passed by occasionally, but mostly it was just me, and my faint music, joined by the sounds of the rippling water mixed with the breeze blowing through the greenery around.

I must have fallen asleep because one second I was closing my eyes, the next it was 4 hours later. Feeling groggy from my 'nap' I stretched out and then gathered all my things together. I slowly made my way back to where I'd parked.

Still not ready to go home and feeling rather ravenous I stopped at a little restaurant. It didn't look to crowded inside so I thought it was a good choice based of some of the others I'd paced by.

I ordered steak and chips and enjoyed both the meal and the restaurants environment, but there was a constant niggling feeling something was missing.

By the time I finally headed home, the sky was long past dark and the night was still.

_________________

OH MAY :(

SAD TIMES HUH :L

GUESSES ON WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT?