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Chapter Twenty-Two - Alone

I somehow find my way to school the next morning, sitting in the cafeteria, coffee between my hands. My body had set itself to auto-drive, performing my designated tasks, to get through the day.

I watched the people around me, focused on their little lives, oblivious to what was going on. Everyone carried on as if nothing had happened, the world had ended, but no one seemed to know but me.

My head was messed up, a constant throbbing, I was pretty sure it wasn't a good sign when blood had mixed with the water of my shower last night, but I just couldn't bring myself care. I barely felt the physical stinging pain, so minuscule when compared to the rest of what I was dealing with.

It was as if an icy hand had gripped my heart, frozen it to nothingness. My world had collapsed. This was a nightmare that would never end, memories on repeat.

But its not a dream, its my reality. Dead family, and apparently my dad wasn't even my real dad? And now the one person I thought I had left doesn't even want me? What was the point of it all?

I hadn't slept, unable to stop thinking about what my mother had said. I'd lived it again in my mind. Over, and over, and over again.

I felt as if I'd returned to the time right after the accident, except now I didn't have anyone to lean on.

Even if my mother hadn't exactly been there for me emotionally, I'd always believed she had cared, that she loved me, that it was only because she was so overwhelmed by the grief, that she'd had no choice. My mother was alive and breathing, we had each other, even in our broken state, and that was enough for me.

But, now, she'd told me she didn't want me at all, had never wanted me, or Kate. I wasn't my dad's daughter, and she wished I had died in my dads place? She seemed convinced Kate had been responsible for it all.

Nausea built in my throat as I thought. My body was being burned alive, yet I was ice.

There was a part of me that wanted to blame it all on the alcohol, to pretend that none of it was real. Except, the things she'd said must have truth to them. The facts seemed clear.

My father was not my father, and my mother did not wish to be my mother.

I didn't feel numb, I felt empty. Devoid of emotion, utterly destroyed. I'd been torn apart, leaked dry, and all that's left was a shell of what I'd once been.

I'd thought I had family left, but I was wrong, she didn't want me.

I was alone.

Someone takes a seat opposite me, but I keep my eyes out of focus, staring straight ahead, not wanting to see or speak to anyone right now.

"May, about yesterday... " It's Deacon.

Flashes of how he had treated me invade my mind; the way he dismissed me, acted as if I were a stranger. I guess that's what I am to him. What a fool I'd been to think I could move on, be happy, care about people and have them care in turn for me. Things were clear now.

Honestly, I'd forgotten about it, the way he had treated me, with all that's gone on since; My mother's insanity, a much more substantial event.

"I didn't mean to act like that, but the people I was with... They know my dad, and they would have reported back to him. I don't want him to hurt you. I didn't want... "

"It's fine." I tell him, stopping his tirade, voice devoid of emotion. His reasons didn't didn't matter.

I didn't care anymore. I felt like nothing, he'd treated me as so. I never should have let myself get so attached to the boys. I knew it was a mistake, but I'd done it anyway. Now I knew better, I knew who I was. I was done.

"May? Are you okay? You seem, um, you don't look too great." Deacons words come out stuttered and unsure, I would almost think he sounded worried, but I knew better.

"It's fine. I'm fine." I tell him, wishing he'd just leave me to it. I got up and walked away from the table, away from him.

I'd had enough. No one wanted me. Well then, I didn't want anyone. I was fine alone. It was how things should be. I may be alive, while the other half of me had died, but nevertheless my worn-out body walked and breathed. A soulless corpse left behind; abandoned, rejected, forsaken.

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THINGS ARE ABOUT TO GET INTENSE.

WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTERS TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.

ANY GUESSES?