The Letters

Auntie

November 25, 2010

Dear Auntie,                                                                   

Its Thanksgiving Day and I have been helping mom cook all morning. It makes me think back to all those holidays spent with family. I know this will be the last Thanksgiving I get to share with mom and dad so I am making the most of it. Every day I grow a little weaker. Before long I will not be able to deal with life. My demons will be gone as will I. I want you to know Auntie that the holidays you spent with us were some of my favorite.

 Remember two Christmas’s ago when you came to visit us? I do. It was one of the best and I’ll never forget it. I think that out of everyone in the family (other then my parents,) you were my favorite. We always seemed to click whenever you came to visit. Each time we would find one more thing we had common. You liked fresh foods just like me. I loved art so much and so did you. We both enjoyed going out for runs when you came in the spring time. We were more like sisters. Anyways, I can remember that Christmas like it was yesterday.

It was snowing, like every year, and I saw your headlights roll up the driveway from my bedroom window. Things in my life had started to get better and I was looking towards the New Year.  I would be getting ready for my SAT and ACT testes and start looking for which colleges I would want to attend after high school. At the time I was also dating Carson. You really liked him. Quickly I jumped of my bed and run out of my room faster then you could hi.

The hug I gave you was like no other. It was warm and friendly. I loved you so much Auntie. That’s why I told you about the pot. I had hoped that maybe telling you would helped me quit for good. That you would look me in the eyes and say “Sweetie, you are too bright to be doing such a dumb thing.” Instead you told me you were young once too. That wasn’t what I had been hoping for. You told me that it would be our little secret and then you went off to help mom with baking.

So with knowing that you smoked pot too made me feel like we were even closer. I saw how wonderful you turned out to be. You were a big time businesses woman who loved what she did. You always had the best clothes as well as the newest things. I wanted to be like you. I told myself that after high school I would quite weed all together, just like you did Auntie. I had a plan. I thought it had been a good plan but now that I sit here writing this, I know it was a bad plan. By no means should you blame yourself. I made the chose not to quit. 

I should have quit that year. Then I wouldn’t be here in pain. My demons have hurt me a lot and in the end they will hurt every one around me. I am sorry Auntie.

When I am gone I will not forget that Christmas as I hope you won’t. It was our last one together. The way the snow fell around us as we built our snowman or the stories we told around the fireplace while drinking hot coco will forever be held close to my heart. Will you remember it like I did? I remember each snow flake falling around you making you look like a model, just like your sister. The story you told me about your trip to Italy still makes me laugh. Only you would miss your flight three times in a row. Or the way your little dog got lost so many times in the snow because she was white. It was a blast trying to find her. Even thought that maybe once we lost her. You cried until she came back. Everything about those few days seemed right. Thank you.

I love you Auntie and if you were here right now then I would warp my arms around you and not let go. Please, don’t ever forget.

Love, Summer