The Letters

True Love

December 19, 2010

Dear Sean,                                                                        

I never thought that you would ever be the one to break my heart the hardest. And it’s not because you dumped me or hurt me or anything like that. It is because I fell in love with you. I never imagined having to leave the one I love behind in such a harsh way.

You are my soul mate in so many ways. I never thought I would find my soul mate, at all. Not many guys would want to be with a girl like me. A girl who has so many demons eating away at her soul. A girl who signed a deal with death but now I know that not every one is sallow. You opened my eyes to a world I never thought was real.

When my faith in God started to run low, you were there to help lift me up back into the faith. It is so hard to believe that sometimes, we as people let the bad things run our life. Why do we do that? I know we were made for loving and to live a blissful life but why is it so hard to believe that? Is it because of all the evil we see in the world?

I know that yeah, bad things happen, but I can’t let those bad things ruin all the good things I have. I mean, I have you. I have Zoë and Carson. I still have parents who love me. Some people don’t even have that but they still seem to put a smile on their face. They don’t let anything block their flow with God. Why should I? You taught me this and I thank you.

You are everything to me Sean. I wake up in the morning with a smile on my face, knowing that I will see you later that day. Even Zoë has noticed the different in my step. She now says that I skip every where I go. I am proud to say that I love you. I dream almost night about what our wedding would be like if I had the chance to stay. I imagine that it would be at night at my house. We have that huge tree in my front yard that we could fill with white lights and have white roses line the yard. I’ll make sure that dad paints the fence so that it is pure white for the day.

I’ll be dressed in a beautiful white dress that has many layers, with my hair pulled back into a lose pony tail. My wild curls would be tamed that day so that they fell down my back in waves. There would be a small sunflower behind my ear. You would look sharp in a black tuxedo. We would look beautiful was we stood up in front of family and friends, telling the world how much we love each other.

The day would be perfect.

And then you and I would be together forever.

If only it could be this way. Things would be just fine if I never got in the truck with Michael that night. But then I guess if that never happened then I wouldn’t have got the chance to meet you and I wouldn’t change that for the world.

You are my ying and I am your yang. Together and forever.

That was made clear a few nights ago after we ran out of the dance laughing. I remember clearly what happened after the dance. The two of us went to the park, where we danced to no music under the stars. You kept whispering in my ears how beautiful I looked. I would giggle each time, my cheeks burning red. I wasn’t use to someone like you. Sure, my boyfriends in the past had told me many times that I was beautiful but not how you did it. When it came from you, it seemed real. 

With each beautiful you followed with an “I love you.” I would lean in close to your ear and whisper back, “Well you are in luck because I love you too.” I can’t count all the kisses that we shared that night under stars. When our feet grew tried of dancing we laid down on the grassy hill and counted the stars. There were even a few shooting ones. I couldn’t have imagined a better way to spend the night with you.

But, you had to make it better. We walked to your house. No one was home. At first, I didn’t want to because I was afraid that it would ruin what we had. Not to mention the demons I had. But you took my hand and led me to your bedroom. I had been in your room many times but this time felt different.

I felt you pick me up, almost bride style and lay me on your bed. I couldn’t help but laugh at how silly it seemed. I had always dreamed of stuff like this. Watched it in movies but I never once thought I could really happen. You pushed a lose strand of hair out of my face before kissing me sweetly.

Your parents were out of town that weekend with your little brother at a football game. So I called my parents and told them I was staying with Zoë. We spent that whole night together and it was beautiful. I got to wake up next to you, your eyes watching me. We got up that morning and made pancakes with hot coco and watched movies.

When I went home that night, I cried. I knew that the night before would be most likely the time we would get to do that. I knew my ending was coming. I cried myself to sleep because I hoped that if God heard my cries he would understand. He would send down an angle to heal me so that I could have many more nights like that with you. I know it was a hopeless case but I can wish.

My heart is broken because of you or anything you did. My heart is broken because I know I will never to get to spend the rest of my life with you. I won’t get to grow old have children with you. SO it seems sad to say but you broke my heart the hardest because I fell in love with you.

Crazy, huh?

I’ll miss you but don’t you dear miss me.

Love, Summer