The Letters

The Eagle

November 12, 2010

Dear Zoe,                                                                              

Is it sad of me to say that at no point in my life I wished to meet someone? Because if it is, then I will die a very sad person. In all my life I never looked up to any more then I do you. Never in my life did anyone make such a difference then you and to be honest that is the type of person I would wish to meet. A person who could change my life in so many ways. That someone was you. So, in the end, I guess this means that I would want to meet you. I guess maybe being my friend was a good thing because I don’t have to wish to meet you. That makes life a lot easier for me.

Zoë, I want you to know that you really did change my life. In preschool, all the other kids picked on me because I had glasses. You on the other hand didn’t. In fact you walked to me and took them from me. After looking at them for a few seconds you put them. What followed next will forever make me laugh. You tried to walk with them on. This ended up badly. You ran into the swing set on the playground and fell right on your butt. But you didn’t cry, instead you stood up, took off the glasses, and then yelled “I don’t see what the fuss is about these glasses. I think they cool!”  Then you put them back on and walked around some more, running into things that I am sure caused some pain the next morning. That was the start of our beautiful friendship.

Remember that time we went to the beach with our families in April? It was still a little chilly outside so you wore that plaid shirt and so did I. We ran around the beach without our shoes, watching the waves rise up, as if the ocean was breathing, and wash the footprints away. You stopped suddenly, looking around like a spy. I couldn’t help but laugh. Then, within the blink of an eye, you had my arm. I felt the cold water rush over my body but I didn’t feel anger. Instead I grabbed your arm, pulling you in as well. Together we let the water run over our bodies. We screamed in joy because the water left a chill in our bones. It was beautiful. We even tried putting our hands up as if telling the water to stop and it would abbey us. I ran out of the water after about ten minutes, my once wild curls were now soggy. My make-up ran down my face but I didn’t care. I used the bottom of my sleeve to wipe it off. My clothes stuck to my skin as if it was a hot summer day. You looked no better then me. The curls you had worked so hard on were now gone. Nothing but the paper straight coffee color hair fell against your face. I helped you push it out of the way.

Soon after our bodies fell onto the cool sand. I dug my hands deep into it, feeling each little grain of sand move roughly against my skin. I never felt so close to mother earth as I did that day. We laid there for an hour, talking about life and like that a light bulb went off in your head. You reached for my hand and together we got up. I wasn’t sure what you were thinking so I followed behind you closely. I watched as you picked up two long sticks, handing me one.

“Let’s write down one thing we fear, one bad memory, and one thing that hurt us. Then we can watch the waves of the clam sea wash them away. It will be like we are releasing them to God so that we can be free.” You said a huge smile on your face. I love your smile. I loved the idea so much that I ran to the front of the beach to start craving into the sand my fear, memory, and pain. Once we were both done we backed away from out writing. I took your hand into mine and together we yelled out, “I RELEASE YOU INTO GODS ARMS!”

Just like you said, I felt free at that moment. It was a beautiful moment watching the waves wash away things that were un-needed in my life. Afterwards we ran into the ocean once again yelling to God, “WE ARE FREE!”  We held our arms out wide, like the wings of an eagle, and we flew across the ocean waves.

I want to feel that freedom again. There was no worries at that moment in time. I want to so badly be able to not worry anymore and just fly. I want to spread my wings like the Bald Eagle and soar above all the clouds into a world of freedom. Doesn’t that sound wonderful Zoë? I think it does.

When I am gone, I want you to do something for me, OK? Go to the beach again in April, when the winds are still here and the sky is gray. Pick up a stick and write my name into the sand. Write my dream and hopes below it. Draw a heart and put the words freedom into it. I want my soul to be washed away with the ocean so that I can be one with mother nature again. Then, if you feel up to it, walk into the sea and remember that day the two of us flew across the ocean waves. Let the freedom over take your body. Be an eagle once more for me.

Zoë, I am glad that I got to meet you. I’m glad you took my glasses and acted like a goof ball. You changed my life that day at the beach. I knew that there was such a thing as freedom after that. I know now that I will get to be free again. I look forward to it. I am ready for the ocean waves of God to wash over my soul and dress me in white. My demons will be washed away and I will be loved. I will be free. No one will be able to take that from me. No one will be able to tell me I am not free. No one will stand in my way. I’ll float down the river of life into the light.

I wish for you to meet me in another life, when we have started over. Maybe next time I won’t have the demons that are pulling me away from you. We will be able to have a friendship that last forever. You’ll be the God Mother of my children as I will be for yours. We will sit together as our children move on from high school to college. We will sit in our rocking chairs watching our grandchildren play together. This will be our next friendship in another life. Yes, I wish to meet to you.

You will forever have a special place in my heart Zoë. Please don’t change the way you feel about life. That’s what I loved most about you. You’re positive out look on life. It’s an amazing thing to have in today’s world. I wish that I could be like you but I know I am not. I know there is no hope. My end will become soon. Its time I let the waves wash over me.

Goodnight Zoë.

Love, Summer.