The Letters

The Birthday

December 28, 2010

Dear Zoë,                                                                    

Wow, can you believe the year is almost over Zoë? It seems like just yesterday we spent my birthday together in February. I have always loved birthday’s but you already knew that, didn’t you Zoë. Being that you are my best friend and everything.

I have been praying every day since October that I get to spend one more birthday with you. I think that is a very small favor to ask of God. Don’t you? I pray that I get to spend one more birthday with you where I don’t have to worry about the demons. I am ready for a day where it is all about me and no one else.

Hey, do you remember that first birthday we spent together? It was my fifth birthday and we had known each other for about a year. You were the only child there who wasn’t apart of my family. My mom had gone all out that year with a huge cake that was in the shape of a penguin and a bounce house for all the kids. She put my five candles on the mouth, so it looked like the penguin was smiling for my birthday.

You and I spent a lot of out time jumping in the bounce house. We acted like we were on the moon, jumping from space rock to the next. Even some of my cousins played with us as well. It was so much fun. My older cousins acted like aliens and we had to stop them from taking over the earth so we shot laser beams at them to they all died.

Since it was so cold outside that year, after we jumped in the bounce house, all the kids ran inside for hot coco and cake. Mom sat up the dinning room table by the fire place in the living room. She brought out my cake and everyone wished me a happy birthday by singing. A huge smile sat on my face the whole time.

Afterwards mom let all of us play hide and seek in the dark while all the grown up’s in the Kitchen with that light on. You and I found all the best hiding spots because we were so small. No one could find us, at all. We played for almost two hours before mom yelled that it was time for smores. All the kids sat around the fire place, taking turns as we made smores. Once everyone had one, we acted like we were at a camp fire.

The older cousins told us ghost stories, but I didn’t fear any of them. I knew they weren’t real but you on the other hand. You thought they were all real and I had to keep telling you they were not real. I even made you do bloody marry in my bath with the kids to prove. You almost broke into tears while I said bloody marry three times but when nothing happened to you started to laugh.

I keep help but laugh now as I think back to that memory. I’m shocked you didn’t stop being my friend after that but yet you stayed. I’m glad you did.

My fifth birthday would have to be my all time favorite memory. And I have you to thank for it. I am not sure I would have been that friendly with my cousin without you. You were the one who started the moon game, hide seek, and bloody marry. You were always like that, a bag full of fun. In a way you were the party animal in out group until high school. By high school we were both the party animals. Always there, to lighten the mood and have a good time.

This year, I hope to have one last night of being a party animal with you. Maybe, after my next birthday, that will be my favorite memory.

Zoë, I hope that after my death, you will go out and have a park in my name. And not one of those stupid wakes. I mean a real party with music, food, and FUN! I want you to laugh and smile. I want you to tell super funny stories about me, about us, about my life. Share the story about what you did with my glasses when we first met. That story always seems to bring a smile to my face.

Have fun after my death. My death is not meant to be sad because I will be in a much better place. Think about the demons that will no longer be hurting me. Isn’t that good enough reason to smile at my death?

I don’t look at my death as something bad. I look at it being a gift from God. My death will some how bring peace to other girls. It will make you and my family stronger. This is the beauty of my death. This is the beauty of any death.

When one person dies, another gains so much. It might be new friends, a new place to call home, a better understanding of themselves or the ability to know that they have the will power to move on.

So look at it this way, we will always have those wonderful memories of each other and that is the only thing that matters. Forget about all the bad stuff that happens, like my death, and think about the beautiful things. Remember the gift of my death. It will set you free from all the pain.

I love you Zoë. You’re my best friend forever.

Love, Summer