The Letters

The power of forgiveness

November 21,2010

Hello again, 

Is it crazy that you get two letters in this notebook when you don’t even deserve one. You hurt me in so many ways that I don’t know what to feel anymore. I still have so much to say to you but I won’t waste any more of my time on hating you.

Today, at church I learned something that not many people understand. I learned about forgiveness and how it can set some one free.

Let me start at the start. Maybe this will help you understand where I am going with this letter.

When we first started going to high school together, I thought you were the bee’s keen. Only the most sexy girl’s got to date you. Girl’s like Victoria. I watched for three years as you followed Victoria around the school with drool hanging out of your month. For so long I wished that you could be like that with me. But now I know the truth.

Michael, you may have been beautiful on the outside with your perfectly shaped body that you got from playing football. Or the way those golden locks fell around your face. Oh! Lets not forget about those smoky but yet cool colored eyes of yours. Oh how a girl can get lost looking into those eyes.

But on the inside you are nasty. Your blood runs with evil and cruel demons that can leave a girl crying out for freedom. Nothing about you is beautiful any more because I know the truth. Only someone with such a cold and hard soul can do what you did to me.

Frankly, it doesn’t surprise me at all that you raped me that night in the front seat of your truck. I mean you did date Victoria. If you can even really call that dating. More like “drug addicts with a benefits.” Any time I saw the two of you together you were all over her. I can’t recall a time when you did something nice for her other then sex. Which, in the end with you two being so close, made me question if what happened was planed. It just so happened to be laced pot that we smoked and she just happened to leave me there.

But you know what? I am not going to waste the rest of my life thinking about that.

Instead I’m going focus my energy on forgiving you. HA! I know it is crazy but how am I going to get into the Kingdom of Haven if I am stilling holding onto all the hate. Pain will heal but hate just boils.

You see, you hurt me in so many ways. You opened the door for the demons to come into my house and take over. You may not think that as you sit here reading this but it’s true. That night when you took advantage of me, you left me a gift. Sadly it is a gift that I am unable to return and now I must live with it till the end.

But, I am ready to let go of the fact that you ruined my life. I am willing to move on so that the last few months of my life are some what better. I am willing to forgive you. Now this doesn’t mean that I still hope your penis gets cut off because that would just make my day.

I now know that God wanted this to happen. I have figured out that I am a way for a lesson to be taught to other girls. It’s a lesson about drugs, sex, and rape because they all kind of go together. I won’t lie the first time I had sex was when I was high, but I knew what was going on and I was ok with it. I told the guy that we could have sex. And guessed what? I enjoyed it. The two of us even dated for while after that. In the end I broke up with him because I wanted something more.

But you on the other hand had sex with me when I was out of my mind high. You knew that too! So you see, do drugs and you have sex. Do more drugs and you are bond to get raped by a guy who doesn’t care about any one but himself.

It’s a sad but true story. A story that happened to me. I want my story to be told to the world. Maybe then some girls won’t end up like me. The thought that maybe my story might save the life of another girl is enough for my to die happy. 

Everything that happened had to happen. It may sound sick and twisted but it is the truth. So guess what Michael?

I forgive you.

Forgiveness.

I forgive you for the pain.

Forgiveness.

I forgive you for the hate you brought on me.

Forgiveness.

I forgive you for being a man who doesn’t care about others.

Forgiveness.

I forgive you for my nightmares I have had every night for the last few months.

Forgiveness.

I forgive you for taking away something that meant the world to me and for letting you do so.

Forgiveness.

Pure forgiveness.

I'm ready for the rain of love and joy to pour over my body now. Goodbye.

-Summer