day something or another

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Lets get a couple things out of my head. Cool? Knew you would listen!

I want to leave my screwed up disfunctional family who only put me down and  my brother who punches me every chance he gets.

I want to get the thoughts in my mind out so I can sleep finally. I havent slept in a week and I need to sleep cz its not pretty whats in my head right now.

I want to be getting better not worse. I can't think of anything but how horrible I am and how I deserve to die and.. ya. So suffice to say im not getting any better.

I want school to start so I can see my friends and give them hugs everyday and know that its not just a screen talking to me.

I want to be able to like the music I like without being judged and being put down

I want to be able to go outside and not feel like no one understands me at all

I also would appreciate not getting wierd looks in the doctors office because of how I dress.

And I would loooovvvveee for me to be able to wake up and feel something besides numbness.

I love all my friends, but sometimes I feel that they are the only thing keeping me alive at points. I feel like if it wasnt for them I would have been long gone and not be here typing up my problems for them to figure out for themselves. 

I have enough problems, I dont need my parents pushing me to meet hteir expectations and their goals for me. I dont need the pressure they put on me, or the put down they give me. I want love and a hug from them sometimes. And a real hug. not a fake hug.

I want my brother to accept me for who I am. For him to not call me a faggot or that I am a loser and then punch me. I dont want to not be able to sleep because I have voice's in my head puttng me down. Things that I know aren't true, but it still hurts me.

I want to be myslef and be accepted for it. Is that too much to ask?

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