Am I actually wanted here? Do people want me around or do they just put up with me?
I feel like Im not loved at my house and sometimes I just feel that way even around my friends who i love.
I guess im just a fuck up and no one likes me. Im stupid, pointless, worthless, and wont be missed. Yup. Thats basically my entire life right now. Im just staying alive until I can finally say goodbye. Yay for trying to do something in life. Its 9 o clokc and i finished all my friedns gifts that i am giving them and thats it. I have nothing else to live for. I wont have a purpose, theres no point me eating food if Im just going to die anyways. Im too fat to eat.
I usually write in this journal i have but its downstairs and I needed to update this. Basically, my life has consisted of me cutting, not eating, then binging, being put down, feeling like shit, and wondering if anyone will miss me. Im becoming a robot.
The teachers all say that they are willing to help you if you have problems and their supposed to be good at seeing things to tell the guidance counselors but I love how none of them see the scars on my wrists. Am I that good at hiding them or do they just not care?
Im a waste of space and I feel that way to the bottom of my heart. Im guilty for everything I do and I feel like the most worthless human being ever. And people dont believe me when I say that I need help I tried reaching out and that didnt work. I spelt for a week without waking up in the moddle of the night but thats back as with the nightmares and the anxiety and the rudeness and the snappiness and the whole i hate you all so anger on you.
Im sorry if you feel like Im being mean to you. Im trying to sstop myself but im so irratible that I cant focus on stopping myself.
Love you all loads and talk to you later.
medusa
