Trying to Throw my Arms Around the World

A quiet dinner

A quiet dinner

“Does that include me?” Nathalie asked. It threw me so off guard I nearly knocked over my glass, catching it just before it tipped over completely and soaked Nathalie and Anna’s kitchen table.

“What?”

“I think Anna’s having an affair.” It took a while to register completely.

“Why do you think so?”

“With Roz.” My brain could not compute. “They partnered up so Anna could have more time with Leo and me, but the opposite has happened. At least as far as I’m concerned. She’s here for Leo during the day, but, in the evening, she’s always downstairs working with Roz, discussing clients, or whatever it is they do.”

“It doesn’t mean they’re having an affair.”

“She hasn’t touched me in months.”

“Isn’t Roz married?”

“Obviously, that doesn’t mean much to me. Remember that little affair we had when I was married to Peter?”

“Vividly.”

“I don’t have any hard evidence and they wouldn’t be so stupid to carry on with each other when I’m in the house. I just feel that there’s something going on, something I’m not supposed to know about.”

“Have you asked her?”

“I haven’t had the heart. We have a six-month-old baby, Lee. I don’t know what to do.”

“You have to talk to her. You have no choice.” Then the front door opened and Anna walked in.

“I brought food,” she said. “And a guest.” Roz followed her into the kitchen. Surely, if they were getting it on, Anna wouldn’t invite her to dinner. “Hi, Lee. Do you want to stay for a bite?” And was I supposed to have dinner with my shrink now?

“I’m not sure that would be very appropriate.” I glanced at Nathalie, the mix of sadness and confusion in her eyes imploring me to stay.

“Don’t worry,” Roz said. “I’ve been in social situations with clients before. We’ll just talk about Leo, and soap operas.” Was that a sneer at my earlier remark when we were in session?

“Speaking of, I’m just going to see how our little man is doing,” Anna said. She exited the room with Nathalie close on her heels. I sat there, at the kitchen table, alone with Roz, and I was fairly certain this wasn’t the most professional situation for her to be in.

“Look, this doesn’t have to be awkward,” I said. “I’ll just go.”

“It’s all right, Lee. It’s just a meal. We’re not going on a date.” She touched my arm with her long lean fingers. Walk away now, I thought, bloody run. “And in the case we do fall in love in the course of this evening, I can always refer you to a colleague.” A wide smile, the widest I had seen on her so far, cracked her face open. The blue of her eyes chained me to the kitchen floor. “Some more wine?”

During dinner I hardly spoke. Nathalie drank two bottles of wine. Roz and Anna chatted about social anxiety disorder in children and the candidates they’d interviewed to replace their receptionist with. If the night served any purpose at all, it was showing me that they certainly were not having an affair. They may have both been therapists, but that didn’t make them illusionists. They wouldn’t have been able to hide the spark, the fireworks in their bellies. When Nathalie excused herself and Anna went to fetch her some paracetamol to curb the pending hangover, Roz said, “You’re awfully quiet.”

“I feel very intimidated by this whole situation.”

“When you say situation, do you actually mean me?”

“You’re the shrink. You figure it out.”

“I figured it out four weeks ago, Lee. When you walked into of my office for the first time.”

To be continued…