Trying to Throw my Arms Around the World

Point of no return

Point of no return

“She wants you to sleep with her? For real?” Roz asked. She couldn’t keep her glasses on, her eyes were too sensitive from, by the look of them, days of crying. It didn’t feel right to lay my own problems out for her when I knew what she was going through, but she had insisted on not cancelling the session − “My clients rely on me. I can’t just take off on holiday.”

“Showing up for training tomorrow means yes. Which leaves me no choice, because if I don’t go I will lose my job.”

“And you’re not making this up to make me laugh?” The beginning of a smile curled around the edge of her mouth.

“If only. But I agree, it’s bloody hilarious.” I tried a desperate smirk, the kind you can only muster when you can’t sink any lower. “It was so stupid of me to take her to that party after sleeping with her.”

“You have options, Lee. You don’t have to do it. Talk to Lucy. Surely she wouldn’t want you to do that to keep your job.”

“Yeah right. I don’t have to speak with her to know what she’ll say. ‘You fucked yourself into this position so now fuck yourself out of it. Isn’t that what you do best?’ I’m not exactly her favourite person at the moment.”

“She may surprise you. Give her the benefit of the doubt.”

“I’d have to tell her about Lou, yet another woman in my life that isn’t her.”

“Whatever you decide, you must talk to Lou, though. Tonight.”

“I do?”

“Oh yes.”

“Couldn’t stay away, eh?” Lou asked while she let me into her flat, dressed in nothing but a pair of bright red boy briefs.

“It’s difficult.” 

“Oh yeah? Why’s that?” She took me straight to her bedroom and kissed me until I almost didn’t remember the purpose of my impromptu visit.

“We need to talk.” Her face towered over me, the semi-mocking slant of her eyes annihilating my will power. 

“Why talk if we can do this?” Her hand was already in my pants, her fingers well on their way to making me forget everything.

“I’m in trouble.”

“Serious enough to stop me from doing this?” Her light green eyes bored into mine while her hand dove a little deeper, almost past the point of no return.

“Yes. Unfortunately,” I sighed. Her face was so close that her black hair tickled my cheeks.

“Are you all right?” She retracted her hand and sat up, leaving me with nothing to touch, nothing to hold on to.

“This is going to sound outrageous and I apologise in advance−”

“Stop dramatising. Just tell me.” And then I did.

“You’re seriously considering spending the night with her?” Shame soared through me. Had it really come to this? I thought. “Because if you are, you can walk right out of that door and never come back.”

“I don’t know how it will play out, but I have to give her something. Otherwise I’ll surely get fired.”

“I’m not interested in all of this, Lee.” Lou’s eyes had narrowed to tiny green slivers of rage, flecked with obvious disappointment − the disappointment was the worst. “I’m not doing this, not with you, nor anyone else.” What a joke to even have contemplated, if only for the shortest of moments, that Lou and I could be free of drama. “This is far worse than any of the bullshit I half-expected from you, with your ominous warnings.” She got up from the bed and retreated even more. “Go sleep with whomever you have to to save your precious job. Just don’t involve me. This thing we had, that hadn’t even started yet, it’s over now.”

To be continued…