Trying to Throw my Arms Around the World

Surprise

Surprise

Lou and I easily slipped back into our previous comfortable state of young lovers – young love, apart from being exhilarating and silly, is very forgiving. I pushed my suspicions aside in favour of surrendering to her completely. This worked for about a month, until Lou and Alex stayed late at the office every day for two weeks finishing the Paul Smith campaign. It was Thursday after work and I hadn’t seen Lou in days. All I wanted was five minutes with her, and her slanted smile, to recharge my batteries. Instead of just turning up at Sanders & Burns, I actually called Claire and asked for her permission.

“Please do,” Claire said. “They’re creatives, not machines. They need a break.”

I made my way over there, all giddy smiles, ready to surprise my absent girlfriend. I stood outside the conference room door for a second, my heart lifting at the sound of her voice. She delivered the punchline to a stupid joke in her usual dry manner and I heard everyone in the room crack up. I knocked and snuck my head in.

“Hello boys and girls,” I said. “Can I steal your favourite comedian for five minutes, please?”

“Leesbian,” Alex said. “You’re such a romantic. Where’s my boyfriend when I need him most?” He flung his arm around Lou’s shoulders. “You’re such a lucky cow, Lou, really.” Lou looked visibly unamused, more stunned than surprised, as if I’d just walked in on her engaging in some lewd act with her co-workers.

“Let’s go to my office,” she said. “I’ll be right back, guys.”

“Take your time,” Alex said. “We all know Lee is very high maintenance.” We walked to Lou’s office in silence, she shut the door and leaned against it.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, without a trace of joy in her voice.

“Surprise,” I said. “It’s all right. I asked the boss–“

“You asked Claire?”

“Yeah, it’s silly but I know you’re working on something huge–”

“I can’t believe this.”

‘What?”

“You can’t just call my boss and barge in here. What were you thinking?”

“That you would be happy to see me. Obviously, I was wrong.”

“We have a big presentation tomorrow, Lee. Now is just not a good time.”

“I haven’t come to abduct you, babe. I just popped in for five minutes. I miss you.” I saw it again then, for the first time in weeks, etched all across her face, the ennui, the cold glare in her eyes that couldn’t be clearer, the disdainful dip of her lips saying she didn’t want me there. It ripped through me and shredded every ounce of trust I had put in her – if it wasn’t Claire, then it was someone else in the office. “But I guess I’d better go.” I didn’t want to look at her anymore, didn’t want to see how compassion obscured the earlier display of detachment in her eyes.

“Lee, I’m sorry. I’ll come round later.”

“Don’t fucking bother,” I said and slammed the door shut. I turned a corner, unsure of where I was going, only to land in front of Claire’s office. I might as well ask her, I thought. She’s the boss, she should know.

“Lee, how kind of you to extend your visit to little old me. Isn’t it great that we can be something a bit like friends these days?”

“Wonderful,” I said and slouched down in a chair. “Just bloody wonderful.”

“Why so gloomy? Did you not just see Lou, who, by the way, is nothing short of amazing at her job.”

“What the hell is going on here, Claire? Who is she seeing? It’s not you is it?” Claire Burns was a lot of things, but she was not a liar. She would speak the truth.

To be continued…