Trying to Throw my Arms Around the World

Hendricks & Tonic

Hendricks & Tonic

Roz knocked on the door at five past nine, sank down on the couch next to me, sighed with all the power in her lungs and put her hand on my thigh.

“I need a stiff drink,” she said. “What about you?”

“I’ll wait until the parents have returned, but please, be my guest. I’ll drink vicariously through you. Get as wasted as you can.”

“Let’s be stereotypically British tonight, Lee. Let’s binge until we can’t stand up anymore. I need a head-start anyway, with the speed you knock them back.”

“Years of training. You’ll get there in the end.” Roz mixed herself a large G&T and had, by the looks of it, developed a real taste for hard liquor. She looked better than when I saw her last, the dark rings under her eyes having dissolved somewhat.

“Do you know what else I’ve discovered the joys of lately? Apart from this fine concoction.” She tapped her nail against the glass, which was already half-empty. “Sleeping pills. They’re the best. You take one, you wait five minutes, your thoughts start dancing in your brain a bit, until they just disappear into delicious blackness. And the next morning, at least until after you’ve taken your shower and the ludicrous absurdity of the situation hits you with full force again, you feel well-rested. They are magic pills, Lee. That’s what I call them now. Bloody magic pills.” Roz had been in the room ten minutes, long enough for me to realise that I would play the role of shrink that night. She downed her drink and got up to mix another one. The booze flushed her cheeks enough to push away the greyish pale complexion of her skin. “I’ve been thinking about finding someone younger myself. You’re probably not the right person to ask, with your crush on me and all, which I would find flattering if I wasn’t actually a therapist, but I look good for my age, don’t I?”

“You look fabulous, Roz. Loads of men, of any age, would do you.”

“You really know how to talk to a woman. No wonder you get laid so much.” Every second that ticked by we demolished another boundary on which the relationship between therapist and client relied. Then we were startled by a flung-open door and Nathalie who came crashing through it, straight to the bedroom.

“We left in the interval,” Anna sighed. “Clearly she wasn’t ready.” Roz and I quickly said our goodbyes and left Anna to deal with poor Nathalie.

“Why don’t you come back to mine? I have discovered an amazing brand of gin. It’s called Hendricks and it’s as smooth as−”

“As much as I would love to, I’d much rather keep you as my shrink.”

“Yeah, about that. I think we’re as good as past that by now.”

“I suppose.” How would I cope with losing my therapist as well?

“Come on. We have to talk about this anyway.” She waved down a cab and twenty minutes later I sat in her couch, a Hendricks & Tonic − served with freshly sliced cucumber in the glass − condensing in my hand. While she cut the cucumber in the kitchen I had snuck a quick peek at a picture of her almost ex-husband Richard and was surprised by the bearded blandness of his face. This was not the handsome man I had pictured Roz with.

“If you stop seeing me as your therapist, maybe your crush on me will disappear.” We were on our second Hendricks & Tonic, which meant Roz was on her fourth drink in a little over an hour.

“I believe I got over that when I fell in love with Lou.”

“Are you saying you don’t want to fuck me anymore?”

“Excuse me?” I was taken aback by the sudden turn Roz’s drunken banter had taken.

“Are you saying that, given the chance, you would say no to fucking me?”

“Well, erm, I don’t know. No seems a bit harsh, I guess.”