Trying to Throw my Arms Around the World

Room for heartbreak

Room for heartbreak

I slumped down in the couch and waited for Eleanor to come home. I needed her to talk some sense into me. I needed her cool level-headedness to extinguish some of the drama, because it was all getting a bit much. In the state I was in, and with too much whiskey polluting my blood, I was ready to head over to Lou’s house and forgive her, my own actions that night having been just as despicable as hers. Maybe we deserved each other. Then Lucy called me to say she was on her way over and I remembered Joan’s prophecy. She was right. It was only a matter of time before I hurt Lucy. I decided, as a measure of self-preservation, not to give the matter any more thought, not until later, when I would have the clarity of mind to hatch a new plan.

“Hey you,” Lucy said and she smiled with everything she had. How could I not requite that? She wrapped her arms around me, free of skepticism or doubts, and I didn’t understand where all this unconditional love came from, but I accepted it eagerly. I nestled in her hug, desperate to stay locked in her embrace for hours. I didn’t tell her about Joan. Instead, I let her push me down on Eleanor’s couch and undress me, again. She had a lot to catch up on.

“What about Eleanor?” I asked. “What if she comes home?”

“Don’t worry about her,” Lucy panted. “I think she’s seeing someone.”

Taken aback, I pulled my face away from Lucy’s for a second. “She’s what?”

“I’ll explain later.” She stared down into my eyes. “But first things first.”

“Eleanor’s dating?”

“I don’t believe people over sixty-five refer to it with that term.” 

I cradled Lucy’s head in the curve of my arm and let her voice wash over me, all nasal and posh. “Whatever it is she’s doing, I hope it makes her happy, because she’s going to have a fit once she finds out about this.”

“Don’t be silly. She’ll be elated that I finally got rid of Joan.”

The mention of Joan’s name sent a shiver down my spine, but what struck me most was that Lucy called the whole messy business ‘getting rid of’. “How did she take it?”

“Surprisingly stoic, it must be the quiet before the storm.”

The ease with which Lucy had dumped her had astonished me. I couldn’t help but feel deeply sorry for Joan. So many people got wounded this weekend, I thought. And for what reason? Because Claire Burns, once again, couldn’t keep her hands to herself?

“Did you love her?”

Lucy pushed herself up and wrapped a blanket around her naked upper-body. She didn’t look at me and mumbled something to the coffee table. Both yes and no would have been too disturbing for me to deal with.

“Let’s go upstairs. We’ll surprise Auntie Eleanor in the morning, if she comes home at all.”

I watched her patter barefoot out of the living-room, tip-toeing on the cold floor tiles, and I was overcome by such remorse, but it was too late now. I had Lucy by my side and she would have to stay there for a considerable amount of time. She was my boss and her aunt was my landlady. And she loved me. I had hurt her before and there was no more room for heartbreak.

To be continued…