Trying to Throw my Arms Around the World

No excuses

No excuses

It was strange standing there, at the scene of the crime. It all seemed so undramatic now, the sidewalk was just dirty concrete and the door plain green. I rang the bell before I could give myself the chance to become too overwhelmed by the memories forever tied to the simple action of buzzing this particular door’s intercom.

“Oh Lee,” Vic said, “do come in.” She looked highly attractive in her black suit. “I’ve just had a job interview. Fingers crossed, eh?”

“Is Lou in?” Saying her name made my voice crack a tiny bit.

“Still at work.” She put her arm around me as we walked into the sitting room, which almost made me choke up. “How about a stiff drink while you wait?”

I nodded eagerly. I would need more than one. “Brandy, please.”

“I’ll make it a double.”

I followed every movement Vic made and by the time she presented me with a glass I was enthralled by her self-assured elegance. What if? I wondered. The ultimate revenge. The liquor burned my throat and seemed to paralyse my limbs and I realised I simply didn’t have that kind of fight left in me. Also, if Vic was only a fraction of the friend Lou raved about, she would never stoop to my level of betrayal.

“She shouldn’t be long. I can’t imagine she’ll be doing overtime today.”

It was an innocent attempt at a joke but I was nowhere near ready to see the funny side of the weekend’s events. Soon salty tears dripped into my brandy, but I knocked it back anyway, the alcohol too strong to alter its bitter taste.

“I’m so sorry,” Vic said, with that posh accent of hers, and it only made me sob louder. She shuffled closer to me and wrapped one arm around my shoulders. She finished her drink and started patting my thigh with her free hand. “I couldn’t believe it when she told me, Lee. I truly thought you and her would work it out somehow. You made such sense together.”

I rested my head on her arm until my sniffles subsided. “I don’t even know why I came here.”

“You love her, that’s why.” Vic trailed her fingers over the skin of my neck.

“Please distract me with a silly story.” She lifted her fingers off my neck but I reached up and grabbed them. “And don’t stop doing that.”

“Let me get us another drink first.” She wriggled her fingers loose from my grasp and I suddenly felt so alone.

“Bring the bottle.”

“Yes ma’am.” She saluted and followed it with a mock bow. “Anything you say.”

An hour later, when we had finished the brandy — without stopping for dinner — and Lou still hadn’t come home, we both sat slouched in the sofa, severely wasted and several limbs entangled.

“She’s my best friend, she is,” Vic slurred, “but how can I ever look at her in the same way again?”

“Because that’s what friends do.”

We’d had our hands intertwined for a while but only now did I notice her thumb stroking my palm.

“What else do friends do?”

I looked at our hands. “Not that.”

She didn’t stop. “If I ask you a question will you answer truthfully?”

“Maybe.”

She locked her eyes on mine, they were pale green, just like Lou’s. “Do you want to kiss me?” I started to say something but she interrupted me. “The truth, please.”

“Despite it being morally despicable, I wouldn’t be opposed to it.” Maybe I wouldn’t need a fight, maybe tears were enough. Images swam in my head, Lucy’s face merged with Lou’s. Joan’s fake smile. I have no excuses for this, I thought. None.

“Come on.” Vic tugged me up by my hand. “Let’s go to my room. I’ve got a feeling this will be more than a kiss.”

To be continued…