365 Days (Part 1) | ✓

70. Recipe

70. Recipe: Write about a favorite recipe, or create a poem that is a recipe for something abstact, such as a feeling.

So let's just get this straight: My family is a bunch of idiots. We are all idiotic idiots being idiotic with each idiot. We do wierd things and we have wierd traditions and we laugh at wierd jokes. We're close, but we're somewhat ridiculous 97% of the time. People tell me I'm silly. I blame my upbringing.

We are kind of normal, in little ways. But they're little.

Mom is a fantastic cook. She makes those good, true Southern meals that remind you irresistibly of home and third helpings. Sometimes, though, she makes some real nasty crap that no one likes but her (and my dad, who will eat anything). Like taco soup. It tastes nothing like a taco.

Since she's the cook, I guess she can do whatever she wants in the kitchen, and we either have to eat it, scavenge for frozen chicken nuggets in the bottom of the freezer, or starve. So we eat it.

There are a few things she has made that have become legendary. One is crack potatoes.

Yup. They are legitimately called crack potatoes. Mom found the recipe on Pinterest (which she claims is her soul mate) and tried to change the name within our own sphere to something less volatile, but nothing stuck. They are so named because you simply cannot get enough of them. When she makes crack potatoes, you can bet your granny's last pair of trousers there won't be any left. Everyone always asks for her recipe, and she is always so embarrassed to say, "They're crack potatoes." Then they give her funny looks.

The second legendary dish is Llama Doodoo Casserole.

My brother and his friend, Hunter, have their own breed of idiocy. I think it's the type that comes from being best friends with a fellow idiot.

Hunter will stay over at our house for weeks at a time. There was one summer where he slept more nights at our house than at his own. As me and him don't get along, I rather disliked his arrangement. They used to do all sorts of things to me, like record me singing in the shower, make Facebook pages about my mistakes, and make rude comments about me. Basically, Hunter acted like another one of my brothers.

One day, while Hunter was staying over, Mom made a new dish. Honestly, I forgot it's original name. But it had hamburger meat in it.

It looked extremely ugly. Whenever Zachary sees unattractive food, he says it looks like prison grub. Both he and Hunter were leery of trying it.

Hunter, who was as familiar with us as family, grinned and said, "It looks like Llama doodoo."

Zachary burst out laughing. He has the type of laugh that makes everyone join in; it comes from deep inside of him and goes deep inside of you. Soon we were all laughing, even though the joke wasn't that funny.

But in the annoying way of boys, they persisted in calling it llama doodoo casserole, even though it turned out to be one of their favorite meals. Even today, years later, we still call it that. No one even remembers what the original recipe is even called. To us idiots, it's llama doodoo.

Crack potatoes recipe:

2 (16oz) containers sour cream
2 cups cheddar cheese, shredded
2 (3oz) bags real bacon bits (I use Real BACON!!!)
2 packages Ranch Dip mix
1 large bag frozen hash brown potatoes

Combine first 4 ingredients, mix in hash browns. Spread into a 9x13 pan. Bake at 400 for 45-60 minutes.

Warning: highly addictive!