MikaYuu One-Shot Collection

Never Again

A/N: Sorry :(

I never thought I'd be smiling as I looked out over the spot where I was to kill myself. I always thought I'd be crying or screaming obscenities. Something like that, but not smiling at all the bittersweet memories of the things I could never get back. A flash of blonde through my mind, and there it was, the crying. It wasn't his fault though. Those people had set me up on purpose, but he had no way of knowing that. Even if he did, he would still have turned from me. After all, I was the one that set the fire that killed everyone.

It was late at night, or early in the morning. I didn't know, but it made no difference. I was only here for one reason. I didn't really want to dwell on it. I heard it was better if you jumped while thinking of those closest to you. Gave you more courage or something like that. Maybe because you had good memories of them, and you liked the idea of dying happily. After tonight, nobody will ever have to look at me. I was far away from home. I'd come here specifically so no one would discover me for a long, long time. I'd left a note, but it didn't say much. Just that I was glad they wouldn't have to look at me anymore.

"How could you!!!!????" I flinched. That had been the worst day of my whole 17 years by far. The person I loved the most and would never betray had turned their back on me. They had been hurt, I knew that much, but they had been hurt without thinking through the situation. They had seen 'real' photos, seen hand-written letters of love to someone else. All seemed to be me, yet weren't. The sad thing is that those letters had been meant for him, but he didn't know was that. I smiled. Oh the irony. If only I'd put the person's name on those letters, maybe he wouldn't have been fooled so easily. He was with her now, had been for a month. I couldn't face that again, couldn't watch my everything be someone else's everything.

I took a deep breath, steadying myself. The place in my heart that is uniquely his throbbed at the memory. It hurt, it hurt so, so much. I didn't want to hurt anymore, and I didn't want anybody else to hurt because of me. It was better off this way, for everyone. I started laughing again, this time louder and stronger, more impulsive. I loved the irony of the situation. It was a real Romeo and Juliet case, dying because one couldn't be with the person they desired most. It wasn't even a desire, really. What I wanted was for him to know the truth. On my note, I'd left a coded message, one only he would understand. He would have found the notebook by now, I suppose. I had best get a move on with this if I didn't want to be found.

I had written a location close to here as where I planned to go, but that was only where my car was, with the keys and wallet locked inside. Guren had the extra keys to it. It was his car, after all. I only drove it. It's only fair that his car be returned to him after this is over. Hopefully, though, he was still busy reading the whole story. Reading about how much I'd loved him, about how I would never in a million years betray him. About my past, and the blackmailing. Most importantly, though, the evidence against her, and the one letter I'd managed to save from when she broke in and stole the rest. It proved they'd been for him, my one and only love. And I was over it.

"Over." I tested the word on my tongue, liking how it sounded. That's what I'd wanted for months now. For this to be over, for me to get over him, for school to be over, for my life to be over. "How could you, Yuu?" That hadn't been the question I'd wanted him to ask. I'd wanted it to be, "Can we talk this out?" or, "Did you?". I'd been so disappointed and angry at myself then, that he just accepted it. I hadn't earned his trust enough to be trusted that that hadn't been me. Before, I'd had a bright future. I was getting some of the best grades in my class, knew what I wanted to do for a living, knew which college, had a scholarship, and I was even on my school's soccer team. After, it had all gone downhill. I didn't have the energy or motivation to do it. If the one who knew me the best really didn't know me at all, then what was the point in it all?