I've Never Cried

Chapter Fourteen - "You Don't Care."

"I've Never Cried"

Chapter Fourteen

'You Don't Care.'

Joe's POV

'How's he doing, Mom?'

'Yea, is he gonna be okay?'

'Shhh.. I think he's waking up.'

I heard familiar voices floating around me. My eyes fluttered open, and I groaned. My right arm ached, and my headache made me feel like I would pass out again. Light entered my eyelids, and I winced. Someone put a water bottle to my lips, and when I swallowed, my vision began to clear. My mother was above me, and I reached up to touch her face.

"Long time no see, Mom," My voice was cracked and damaged, my lips chapped. It hurt my throat to speak. I dropped my arm.

"Joe," she mumbled, her curls falling in front of her face. "When was the last time you ate something?" I thought for a moment, and realized that it had been a pretty long time since I'd last eaten.

"Um," I felt like I was choking on needles each time I spoke, but I swallowed and continued, "Tuesday?" My stomach turned, and I felt fluids running up my throat. Quickly, I turned, and thankfully mom had placed a bucket beside my head. I retched into the blue container, and when I finished, fell back against the bed.

"Tuesday?" My mother exclaimed, placing the bucket back onto the floor. "Joe, today's Saturday. What's going on?" A damp cloth ran along the edges of my mouth. She put the back of her hand on my forehead, and I felt twelve again. I guess I hadn't noticed how long it had been since I'd last eaten. I remembered mentioning food at Disneyland, but we'd never stopped for any.

Ignoring my mom's question, I forced my body upward and observed my surroundings. Nick and Frankie were on one side of me, and when I turned to my left, Selena was hovering. She smiled, and I realized that we were all in my room. I turned to Nick, a grin on my face.

"You finally got up the guts, huh Nick?" I croaked, chuckling softly. He laughed,

"Yeah, I told Mom earlier. She took it pretty well."

"That's awesome. Proud of you."

Selena walked around towards Nick, whispered something in his ear, and they walked out together. It confused me, but I was in too much pain to care. Kicking my feet off the side of the bed, I slowly stood and stretched. I towered over my mom, and hobbled a bit on my feet. Her hands held my arms and she looked me in the eye.

"Just tell me what you were thinking." She stated. I shrugged slightly, closing my eyes for a while, opening them again.

"I wasn't. That's the problem. I've been having some bad stomach aches lately, and I guess I never really noticed my hunger." I said simply. I still felt like hell, but I could stand, so it was a start.

"Do you know why you've been getting such bad stomach aches?"

"No," I lied, feeling that if I told her a girl caused them, she'd gush.

My mom nodded, and placed her cold hands on my cheeks. "Never scare me like that again. Okay? I love you too much." I nodded, hugged her, and staggered off to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I stared at myself in the mirror, and watched the color slowly return to my face. I looked normal, just slightly paler with bright red lips. After brushing my teeth, I splashed water onto my face, washed my hands, and exited the restroom.

Then I saw her. The girl that hypnotized me with her beauty every time I was near her. She was standing right infront of me, a shy grin on her face. I didn't know what I felt. I was happy that she actually came to see me. I was sad because I knew that there was a huge chance she wouldn't have come if it hadn't been for someone else. But mostly, I was pissed.

Suddenly, I didn't want to talk to her. I wanted to push past her and completely ignore the fact that she was there. But I was incapable of doing that. Because if I did, I'd feel even sicker than I did right then.

"What are you doing here?" I asked softly, without feeling. It came out broken in places; air substituting where the vowels should have been.

"Don't you want me here?" I shook my head and licked my chapped lips quickly.

"No," I said, and she stumbled backward, confused. "I want you to want to be here. But you don't so... no. I don't want you here." I could feel what was left of my voice falling apart at the seams, and I was sure Demi could too. What I said was true in its own little twisted way. I started to walk past her, but her voice stopped me.

"Don't you think that if I didn't want to be here, I wouldn't be? I came here for you-"

"You came here," I interrupted, turning to her, holding out my index finger. "Because someone told you that you should be here."

"What the hell is your problem?" She retorted, anger in her eyes. "I'm doing something great for you! You should be thanking me!" That pissed me off. I walked toward her until her back was against the wall of the hallway. I forced the air out of my lungs, painfully managing to yell.

"Something great? I've been trying all week to get to you, Demi, and you've been ignoring me. All this time I've been feeling like I was the one who did something horrible by making the mistake of pushing you too far. So I feel guilty, and destroyed for days, because I think I lost someone who's important to me." My throat felt like it was about to rip open; like I chugged a king sized bottle of hot sauce and ate the bottle. Swords clawed and ripped at my airway, but I was angry, so I forced my vocals out even harder. "Do you not know how horrible that feels? To feel like you're to blame for the loss of something that was never even your responsibility? It's not fun, Demi." I stared directly into her eyes, intensely. She scanned my face for answers, and I could see her shrinking with every word I said. "Then, you randomly show up one day out of pity? Do you know how that makes me feel? Like you don't care. So if you think that something like THAT is 'great', maybe the one with the problem is YOU."   

JJDL

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