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New challenge (Part 15)

"Good afternoon Alex, Hannah, please sit down," Christine greeted them with a smile, "How have you two been?"
"We're doing good," Hannah answered for them, pleased to see that Alex sat down next to her, instead of on her lap. Progress.
"Wonderful," Christine smiled, "So, what have you done since our last visit?" she asked, looking at the little girl.
Alex handed over her drawings, Christine had asked them to keep a sort of diary by drawing her days. The little girl enjoyed it very much.
"These are very pretty," the woman praised, "So, you went to the park? And who are these women?"
Christine held up the picture that Alex made of Mamrie, Grace and Hannah.
"Auntie and Gracie," Alex whispered.
"That's your sister?" Christine asked Hannah.
Hannah shook her head, "No, they are my best friends, but Mamrie calls herself Auntie Mamrie, so... yeah..."
"I see," Christine smiled, "Did you have a lot of fun?"
Alex nodded happily.
"That's great Alessandra," Christine said, "You look very good, I must say. And I think you've even grown a little!"
Hannah smiled, "Yes she did! We're gonna have to buy her some new clothes soon."
The girl sighed.
"What's wrong? Don't you like shopping?" Christine asked.
Hannah shook her head, "No, I told her today that she needs new clothes for our court date in two weeks, and for school. She's not really looking forward to that."
"Oh, don't you want to go to school?"
Alex shook her head, looking at the ground.
"School can be very fun, you'll learn how to read, and write. And you'll make lots of new friends." Christine told her.
If the little girl could, she would have rolled her eyes at that.
"She told me she's scared, she doesn't think she'll make friends," Hannah said, protectively rubbing the girls back, "She thinks she's too quiet for that."
"Oh really? And she told you this?" Hannah nodded, "Well, that's very brave of you Alessandra. Not many people like to say that they are afraid of something. But everyone is scared sometimes."
Alex scoffed silently.
"Don't you believe me?" Christine asked, "Well, let me tell you a secret then. I am scared to drive. I can do it, and I own a car, but I never drive. I always ride my bicycle to work. I'm just too scared."
The little girl's eyes widened.
"And I bet you Hannah gets scared too sometimes."
Hannah nodded, "It's true. Do you remember when I told you that I'm gay? I was super super scared to tell you. And I'm scared to go to court with you. Even though I know I'm taking good care of you, I'm always afraid that it won't be good enough. I'm always scared Alex, but I can't let that stop me. Sometimes you just have to do things, even though you're afraid."
The girl shuffled closer to Hannah, burrowing her head in her side.
"Mamrie and Grace get scared too," Hannah continued, "Maybe you should ask them what they are afraid of?"
"Can't you ask?" Alex sighed against Hannah.
Christine shook her head, "I think you should do it yourself. Hannah isn't always going to be around to ask questions for you. And Grace and Mamrie seem like very nice people. They won't get upset with you."
The girl sighed again, pleading with Hannah with her eyes.
"I'm sorry baby, but Christine is right." Hannah agreed.
Alex pouted, but decided to let it go. Maybe she could ask them.
"Let's change the subject now, huh?" Christine suggested, "How have you been sleeping?"
"Bad," Hannah said, "She still has the nightmares, and she won't talk about it to me."
"Okay, Alessandra, do you think that maybe you can tell me?" Christine asked, "We can ask Hannah to go for a second, maybe it's easier to just talk to me?"
Alex shook her head, she did not want Hannah to go.
"Okay, maybe you can draw your nightmares?" Christine suggested, "I can't really help you if I don't know what you're dealing with."
Alex shook her head again. Those nightmares were her secret. No one would ever know.
"Please Alex?" Hannah pleaded, "I'm so worried about it. Is there really nothing you want to say about it?"
The girl felt guilty, but she just couldn't tell Hannah. She couldn't go back to the orphanage. No way.
"Is it always the same dream?" Christine asked.
Alex nodded her head, she could admit that.
"Okay, Alessandra I'm not going to lie to you," Christine said, "having the same nightmare over and over, tells me that you're dreaming about something that has actually happened. Something bad. It means that you have a trauma. And that can only be fixed by letting me help you. I can help to make the nightmares go away."
The girl considered Christine's words for a second, before looking at Hannah.
"What is it baby?" Hannah asked.
Alex bit her lip, feeling ashamed, "Go?" she asked quietly.
"You want me to go?" Hannah looked confused.
Alex nodded.
"Alessandra, you do know that everything you tell me, I'll have to tell Hannah?" Christine said, "She'll always know what you're going to tell me."
Alex faltered for a bit, before nodding resolutely, "Go?" she repeated.
"Okay baby," Hannah nodded, giving the girl a kiss on her head, "I'm proud of you."
The door softly shut behind her. Christine gave her a meaningful look.
Alex took a deep breath, bracing herself.
"Daddy."
***
It was the hardest 30 minutes of Hannah's life, she was sure. Knowing her little girl was in there, baring her soul to Christine, while she just sat here, killed her. She should be next to Alex, holding her, comforting her. But that's not what the girl wanted, and Hannah had to respect that. But that still didn't mean she had to like it.
"Hannah?" Christine got her attention, "You can come back in now."
Hannah rushed inside. Alex was still sitting on the couch, her face didn't reveal any emotions. Just like when they had first met. It broke Hannah's heart.
"Hey sweetie, did you have a good talk?" Hannah asked gently, careful not to wrap her arms around the girl, even though that's all she wanted to do.
Alex shrugged, not daring to look at Hannah.
Christine cleared her throat, "It seems that Alessandra is afraid you'll abandon her if you know her full story."
"What? No! Sweetie, why would you think that?" Hannah was hurt.
Alex didn't respond.
"Alessandra, maybe you would want to play over there," Christine pointed to some toys in the corner, "while I talk with Hannah."
The girl stood up and went to the corner, just sitting down.
"What happened?" Hannah asked, "She wasn't like this when I left."
"It's normal Hannah, I just made her relive the most scariest thing that ever happened to her," Christine explained, "Just give her some time, she'll come around again."
"Okay," Hannah nodded wearily.
"Alessandra told me about her father," Christine said, "What do you know about him?"
"Not much," Hannah replied, "Just that he died."
"Yes, he did die. He, uh, he committed suicide. He shot himself in the head," Christine said, before quietly adding, "she was in the room with him when he did it."
Hannah gasped. Of all the horrible things she'd imagined, she never even considered that to be an option.
"He was also very abusive," Christine went on, "it left a big impact on her self esteem. He had convinced her that his suicide is her fault, and she's been carrying that guilt with her."
"Oh my god," Hannah whispered. She looked to Alex. The girl sat in the corner, with her knees drawn up and her head down.
"What can I do to help her?" Hannah asked.
Christine smiled, "Well, you could start by letting her know that you're not sending her back to the orphanage. She's very scared."
Hannah was up and by Alex's side in a second. She sat down in front of the little girl.
"Alessandra? Sweetie?" She tried to get her attention, but Alex didn't move.
"Sweetie, I'm so proud of you," Hannah whispered, "you're so brave."
Hannah was starting to choke up, "We're fine, okay? I'm not angry with you, I'm not sending you back, not ever."
Alex lifted her head, "Promise?"
"I promise baby," Hannah swore, "I'm never leaving you behind, ever."
Hannah opened her arms, and Alex catapulted herself into the embrace.
Hannah kissed the top of Alex's head over and over, "You did nothing wrong sweetie, nothing."
The girl sobbed in Hannah's arms, and it took all of Hannah's strength to not start sobbing too.
"You're not going anywhere, Alex, my precious little girl," Hannah soothed, "Let's go home, huh? Wear our onesies? We can watch My Little Pony?"
Alex nodded, "Can I sleep in your bed tonight?"
"Of course," Hannah smiled, wiping her own tears away, "anything for my daughter."